


How Much Is This Beautiful Life?

by CallMeHux



Series: Life Beautiful [3]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Christmas, Domestic Fluff, F/M, First Christmas Together, Previously Nanny!Bellamy, some smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-20
Updated: 2016-12-20
Packaged: 2018-09-10 15:23:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 23,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8922319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CallMeHux/pseuds/CallMeHux
Summary: As their first Christmas together approaches, Clarke and Bellamy have to figure out how to make (and afford) Christmas for the kids, who face their first holiday season without their parents.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to @bfl1201, who beta'd this little Christmas story quickly while in the midst of her own holiday preparations and activities.

"Are we really going to discuss the monthly budget, or is this just a ploy to get me into the bedroom?" Bellamy asked as Clarke led him into their room and then turned quickly to shut the door.

"I actually want to talk Christmas, but then, after that, definitely sex," she informed him cheekily as she leaned against the wood.   She'd come home from work with the intention of sneaking him away after dinner to discuss their Christmas plans, but seeing him in that burgundy sweater with the rolled collar that looked so good on him with his hair grown out to just the right floppy length to make her heart skip a beat or two…

Bellamy's pure attractiveness drove her wild, in the best way, but between the kids and her job, they often didn't have the time or energy to fool around.  But somehow, on the day before the kids were going to go back to school after Thanksgiving break, she'd managed to scare Charlie, Cassidy and Cole away with budget talk when they otherwise might have demanded their attention after Cam went down for the night.

Never would Clarke have guessed she'd be raising four kids as a twenty-seven year old, but when her parents died, she got custody of her four younger siblings. Ranging from eighteen months to fifteen years old, raising them on her own as a third-year surgical resident hadn't been an option so she'd hired a nanny with what little money they'd had left over from her parents' life insurance policies.  

Enter Bellamy.

They'd lasted about four months as employer and employee.  Now they were just girlfriend and boyfriend, with Bellamy making extra money by watching the Kanes' little girl, Maddie, his friend Murphy's son Ethan and her co-worker Sharon's son Gabriel after school.  Between the two of them, they could afford to stay in the big beautiful house in the wonderful school district her parents had chosen and avoid disrupting their lives anymore than necessary.

Which included making the traditional Griffin Family Christmas.

"Oh yeah?  Is that before or after we make sure Cassi and Cole go to bed roughly on time?" Bellamy asked skeptically.

Clarke glanced to a corner, considering.  "Probably after," she admitted reluctantly.   "But I promise, sex is on the menu tonight."

He laughed as he took a seat on the bed and sat back, propped up on his elbows.  "Well, I'm certainly game.  I honestly thought we might yesterday, after the wedding, but-"

"Then I fell asleep the second we got into the car," she agreed ruefully, hanging her head for the moment.  "I'm sorry, I wasn't prepared for an impromptu wedding!"

Bellamy just chuckled.  "Like any of us were.  Leave it to Miller and Bryan to throw themselves a surprise wedding."

Clarke grinned at him in return.  They'd all been stunned to arrive at Miller's place yesterday for an after-Thanksgiving get-together, only to find out that he and Bryan had invited them all to their wedding.  After a short but heartfelt ceremony, they were treated to a feast from the best barbeque joint in town, including some shrimp and salads so that the vegetarians could eat just as heartily as the rest.  The party had gone on until midnight, the playlist was excellent, and while dancing with Bellamy on the back deck, Clarke had begun to wonder what their own wedding would look like.

But first, they had to get through Christmas.

"Right, so," she began, making her way over to him and offering her hands so he could sit up.  "I figured out how we can afford the traditional Griffin Family Christmas, which calls for a family dinner on Christmas Eve, watching cheesy movies and drinking cocoa, opening truly massive piles of presents on Christmas morning, then having a big Christmas dinner with friends on Christmas Day.  We also decorate the whole house and we have all these decorations to put up outside too."

Bellamy grabbed her hands to pull himself upright, but slowly lost his smile at her description.  "Uh..define 'massive piles of presents'?"

"Everyone gets an equal number of presents, usually between five and seven," she explained.  "That's where the 'afford' part comes in.  Money's really tight for us, unless I want to dip into the reserve money, which I don't, so in order to make the extra few thousand, I can make extra money by signing up with one of the concierge doctor services and making house calls on my days off.   It should only take me a couple of months to earn a few grand, so if we put everything on a credit card, we'll have time to pay it off by the end of next month."

Clarke knew house call medicine was how Harper made extra money, though she was considering quitting because it made it hard to schedule enough time with Monty.  Of course, Monty just wanted her to move in with him so she wasn't wasting money on rent, but Harper didn't want to move in with him for monetary reasons.  Clarke had heard the whole story over lunch yesterday, but fixated on the part where the business Harper worked for on the side was looking for more doctors.

Unfortunately, Bellamy did not look impressed by her scheme.

"No.  You're out of your mind if you think I'm letting you do that," Bellamy interrupted her thoughts. "That's a terrible plan."

"You've got a better one?" she demanded, annoyed that he wouldn't agree.

"Yeah.  We buy them presents, but you know, not spend four or five hundred dollars on each kid.  We let the Kanes spoil them with crazy expensive presents, because you know they will.  I think we can pull off Christmas for about twelve hundred dollars, including the food."

"That doesn't sound like a Griffin Family Christmas," Clarke denied, shaking her head and stepping out of his reach in consternation.  "They've been through so much this year, and with the country being, well, about to be taken over by a fascist whose plans for healthcare impact my job a lot while raising my taxes as a single mom in the middle class by eliminating the deductions I need to keep this family afloat or when your health insurance disappears or god forbid you get recalled to the Army because he'll start some stupid war because some country doesn't want to give his hotel a permit? I want to give them something that's the same."

She took a breath to try and steady herself, but only relaxed once she felt Bellamy's arms go around her.  Closing her eyes, she corralled her thoughts and spoke before he could.

"I want to give them at least one last big, happy Christmas.  Because I don't know what's going to happen next.  God knows when, or if, we'll get anything significant out of the damned lawsuit."  Clarke swallowed and looked up at him.  "I can't control a lot, but I can control this.  I want to give them some good memories."

Bellamy rubbed her back comfortingly, but the rumble of his voice in his chest did much more to calm her.  "I know.  And we will.  But you working yourself to death for a bunch of presents isn't the answer.  We'll put up all the decorations.  We'll have two dinners and a pile of presents under the Christmas tree. It just won't be a few thousand worth.  I have a little savings from the daycare stuff, plus when you were paying me over the summer, and we'll manage fine without going into debt.

"I wasn't kidding about the Kanes either.  I know they're planning expensive presents for the kids because Marcus warned me.  I assured him we don't really have thunder for him to steal."  He pulled back just enough to smile down at her.  "And I found this deal for phones.  You're not the only one who's been thinking about this.  We need to combine phone lines and bills anyway, and Cole needs his own phone now, you said he was old enough.  So we'll get Charlie, Cassi, and Cole new phones for Christmas with gift cards to buy cases or apps or whatever.  Cam'll be happy with whatever we get him."

Clarke bit her lip before answering.  "But I don't want you to have to pay for this."

"Well, we're a team right?  Let me contribute a little more financially for this.  You work hard, you don't have a lot of time off, I'm pretty sure the kids would revolt if you worked more, and I have the money to do this.  You pay for pretty much everything else.  Let me do this."

She knew she must have been making a face, because he heaved a sigh.  "What do you want to add to my plan to make it more like your plan?"

"I'm that predictable?"

He gave her that half-smile that regularly drove her nuts.  "I think I've just figured out all your facial expressions is all.  But before you get too into plan revision, I want to remind you that the kids are going to get presents from not just Wells and Raven this year, but also my sister and Bryan and Miller.  I also figure we can do a pollyanna thing with the group, so we're not buying for ten adults."

She sighed and leaned her head against his shoulder.  "I just...wanted that same extravagant, warm, too much family time Christmas we always had."

"And you're going to get it, I promise.  Just with some tweaks.  I'm also thinking of doing that thing where we get really big boxes and hide the phones in them and make them dig and all that," he suggested, which forced a chuckle from her.

"I don't want to do that to them.  I always thought that was kind of annoying.  But," she continued, as she slipped her arms around his waist.  "I am going to insist on secondary presents too.  Because I had my eye on this art kit for Cassi, so she has her own stuff to draw and design with."

She felt his low laughter and flushed.  "I know, I know, I'm horrible at sharing my supplies!  But this way she'll have her own."

Bellamy's fingers gently threaded their way through her hair to push it back from her face before he pressed a kiss to her neck.  "Okay, fifty dollar limit on 'secondary presents'?  So whatever video game Charlie probably wants, art supplies for Cassi and...whatever building toy Cole wants?"

"Yes, that works." She closed her eyes and mentioned, "If you keep doing that, the kids aren't going to get to bed on time."

"Doing what?" he asked lightly, sliding the neck of her sweatshirt to one side to kiss her shoulder.

It was the gentleness of that kiss, that offer of a good time but not a demand, that made her reach out to direct his mouth to her own.  She licked at his lips until he welcomed her tongue inside and buried his hands under her shirt.  It always gave her a thrill, to feel his hands spanning her whole back.  She leaned into his hands, trusting him to support her, even as he chased her mouth.

Once that low, slow burn started to curl in her belly, she slid her hands around him until they were flat on his chest and pushed.  "Bed," she ordered between kisses, only for him to pull away and smirk down at her.  

"Mmm, let's get naked first," he suggested, already pulling his sweater over his head.  "Race you."

She laughed, immediately whipping off her own shirt in response.  Soon, all of their clothes were in messy piles on the floor and he pulled her into his arms again, only to hike her legs up over his hips and walk back into the bed.  As he sat down, their teeth clacked together briefly, but she didn't care and neither did he, too involved in the kiss to stop again, even for a moment.

While her hands cupped his head, fingers digging into his curls, his moved lightly up her side, sending delightful shivers down her spine.  Even as his cock came to full attention between them, her nipples peaked as his hands brushed over them lovingly.  He was always like this at first, so careful with her, like he couldn't believe that she'd actually let him be with her.

Just as his hands palmed both of her breasts and she arched into his touch, their lips still joined and their tongues still dancing with one another, she reached forward to wrap her hand around his length.  She stroked him in time to each of his caresses, each of them falling into a rhythm that kept time with their racing heartbeats.  

With a swipe of her thumb on her next pass, Clarke began to spread the precum that started to drip steadily, drawing out a low groan of approval from Bellamy.  His hands fell away from her breasts and she mewled briefly in protest until one arm wrapped around her and the other shifted so his hand could move lower, to tease her folds apart.  Even that first, almost tentative touch prompted a sigh of pleasure from her and she lurched forward to give him another eager kiss in response.

One of his finger gently grazed the top of her clit and her hips snapped forward automatically, drawing a satisfied grin out of him for a moment before he recaptured her mouth with his own.  He continued to tease her, swallowing her moans as his fingers danced in her already wet cleft, priming her even more with soft touches at first and then harder ones, until she mumbled encouragement against his lips.

She couldn't control the groan when he finally slipped his length inside of her in a single thrust, savoring the push against her muscles and the stretch.  Again, he kissed her, somehow coaxing more wetness to pool where they were joined with his tongue in her mouth, until her murmured entreaty got him to move.

"Lean back," he all but whispered and she sighed as her back met the warm expanse of his arm.  Only when he had her at just the right angle did he begin to pull out and fill her again, keeping her positioned so that his tip rubbed that bundle of nerves inside of her just right. She gasped in pleasure, then whined when his other hand found its way to her clit once more, continuing to wind her up with circular pressure

Somehow, her eyes closed and she forced them open even as her core tightened in preparation.  Her mouth quirked to see him concentrating, a bead of sweat rolling down his brow and his curls hanging low over his eyes. His gaze flitted between her face and the bounce of her breasts and she smirked for a moment before the first shimmy of a contraction began.

She tilted her head back, moaning, "Bellamy,” and clenched down around his cock once more before she began to spasm uncontrollably.  She couldn't describe the sensation of her orgasm rippling through her even as he swelled inside of her, pressing harder against her walls until he spilled deeply inside with a moan of his own.  

For two minutes or so, she let herself savor the feeling, the aftershocks from them both.  Leaning forward, she demanded another deep kiss from him until the need for oxygen in her lungs won out.

Clarke rolled to one side, flopping back on the bed and happily tried to catch her breath.  "God, I love-"

"Yeah, I get that a lot," Bellamy breathed, though he wore a smirk as he let himself lie back.

"-your dick," she finished, then wiggled away when he tried to tickle her side in retaliation.  "No, I'm serious. Generally speaking, I'm more attracted to women than men, but, with a dick like that, I don't think you have anything to worry about, long term," she teased, then squealed when he pulled her into his chest.

"Gee, you make me feel so loved," he answered dryly, holding her close.

"Mmm, I'm just saying there are perks, real, big, satisfying perks, to being in love with you," she explained, twisting around to plant a kiss on him.  

When she pulled back, he grinned in response.  "Well, I only get a fantastic girlfriend, four great, if sometimes annoying kids, and a huge house in return, so…"

She gasped, letting her mouth hang open even though she couldn't help her smile at his teasing.  "Are you saying that I'm not excellent in bed?"

Bellamy mimed thinking about it until she smacked his arm lightly.  "Oh, I am never going down on-"

"Oh, come on, you know I was just teasing you," he answered hastily, pulling her close again to nibble at her neck, the way he knew she loved.   

Clarke let herself enjoy his attentions for a minute, then gazed balefully at the clock over his shoulder.  "Mmm...as much as I'd like you to continue, we've got bedtime duty in twenty minutes."

He didn't respond immediately, trailing his lips up beneath her ear.  "Sounds like we have at least fifteen minutes…," he murmured.

"I would prefer to be clean when we put the kids to bed, especially if we're going to at least pull the decorations from the storage room tonight and figure out when we can put them all up."

That got his attention.  Bellamy's head came up quickly as he frowned at her.  "We're doing that tonight?"

"Yeah.  I mean, I know it's not technically December yet, but there's a lot to get up, so if we do a little every day, we should be done in a week."

"A week?" he gaped.  "How much stuff do you have to put up?"

Clarke pushed back from him to think about it.  "Well, there's the two trees, the one for the living room and the one for the family room.  We put gifts under the living room one and this Christmas train set that my dad really loved under the family room one."  Her tone grew a bit wistful but she forced herself to remain dry-eyed.  "There's all the garland to put up on the bannisters, and the wreaths on the doors, the candle things in every window, lights on all the bushes, and we have all this other Christmas decoration stuff.  I kind of went through a phase and I made a lot of stuff, and we put it out every year now.  The tree stuff should be the last thing we do though.  You know, family time, maybe this Saturday after I get back from work?"

She watched as a flurry of emotions play out on his face, only for him to settle on something that looked like bemusement.  "Okay.  Yeah."  He pushed up into a sitting position.  "So, step one, get dressed?"

"Yeah, I don't really want to put the kids to bed in the nude," she agreed, following him but pausing to kiss his cheek before sliding out of bed.  "Thanks, you know, for helping me make the Griffin Family Christmas."

He caught her hand, holding her still.  "Hey.  It's my family now too, right?" he reminded her.

Clarke practically threw herself back at him, wrapping her limbs around him.  That, right there, his willingness to treat her siblings like his own, was a huge reason she was in love with him.  "Right.  Are there any Blake family traditions I need to know about?"

"Eh, we eat together on Christmas, get each other at least one gag gift."  He looked down briefly, adding, "When Octavia was little, she'd always sleep in my bed on Christmas Eve, so she could wake me up as soon as she got up to open the presents."

She slid a finger under his chin, to make him meet her eyes.  "That's sweet.  You're always looking out for someone else."

"And you aren't?" he countered, stealing a kiss from her.  "Come on.  If you sit on my lap much more, we aren't going to get the kids to bed in time."

"Mmm...tempting," she answered, but slowly got to her feet.  

Somehow, they both got cleaned up enough and dressed in time to shepard Cassi and Cole to bed, then got Charlie to help them pull the Christmas boxes from storage, albeit reluctantly.

Clarke was knee-deep in boxes in the back corner of the storage room when it occurred to her that she hadn't asked another important question.  She looked over to Bellamy, who was carefully moving one of the boxes filled with glass decorations, Charlie having just left them to deliver a box of garlands and wreaths upstairs.  

"Hey.  Do you want anything special for Christmas?  Gift-wise, I mean."

He huffed a laugh.  "A million dollars would be nice."

"Come on.  Is there something you have your eye on?" she cajoled.

"Not really?  I'm pretty easy to shop for.  Books on history, comfortable shirts.  You know me well enough to figure out something nice."

She wrinkled her nose.  "That's not very helpful to me, you know."

"Well, what very specific thing do you want?" Bellamy asked in return, giving her a knowing look.

She opened her mouth, then closed it and looked away.  "Okay, point taken."

They rummaged around for another moment before she heard, "There's nothing in particular you want at all?"

Sighing as she pulled out the box of her handmade decorations, she acknowledged, "Mostly?  I want a night where I'm not worried, you know?  Not worried about my job, about the kids, about anything.  Do you think people with kids ever really get that?"

"Yes, when they know the kids are safe and happy.  Which happens more often than not with us.  You're doing a good job with them, Clarke," Bellamy answered, setting down the box in his hands and making his way over to her.

"How do you know that?" she asked, her fear of failing her family overwhelming her once again, if only for a moment.

"Have you met your siblings?  They're always really clear when they're unhappy."  He gave her a hug, then tried to tug her towards the door, practically all in one smooth motion.  "I think we can just take one or two more boxes up and call it done for the night.  Let's have some tea and relax some, all right?"

He kissed the top of her head after she nodded in agreement and she soon found herself sitting in the kitchen, eating cookies with Bellamy and Charlie as they tried to think of good gag gifts for Octavia.  Although still worried about making Christmas as wonderful as years past, she hope that with Bellamy, she'd be able to pull it off.

* * *

Bellamy could describe how he felt about Christmas in a single word: anxious.  

For as long as he could remember, Christmas had been an anxiety-producing mess.  Either his mother worked a lot more, leaving him alone or with his sister, or worked a lot less, leaving them wondering if they could afford to keep a roof over their heads and eat at the same time.  Even when he had enough money, Christmas became about keeping up with the Joneses, making sure that Octavia felt whatever magic of the season he could muster up.

So the familiar burble of nervous energy and the faint twist in his gut that started as soon as Clarke mentioned a crazy expensive Christmas wasn't anything new.  He'd been hoping it wouldn't appear this year, now that he had her and her family.  He should've realized sooner that with their background, with this being the first Christmas without their parents, there would be more anxiety, not less.

He'd been proactive, getting started on a preliminary budget, finding that deal for phones, and making a guest list for Christmas dinner.  But watching Clarke describe her family's Christmas celebration, he knew that no matter what they did, they weren't going to recapture the same feeling she had last year and seeing her heartbroken expression on Christmas morning, especially if it was mirrored in the faces of the kids, would kill him.

He didn't think he'd be able to stand it, so he was desperately trying to think of something special to do for her and the kids. Last night, he'd distracted her with sex and then decorating, but he couldn't put off his own thoughts any longer. It occupied him as he got up in the morning and saw her off to work, Cam on his hip, and it consumed his attention as he went through the motions of getting the other three out the door to school on time.

Which is how he ended up cracking some shells into the pan as he made some quick scrambled eggs.  He fished out the pieces with a fork, then hurriedly finished making breakfast - eggs with cheese on toast - just as the boys made it into the kitchen.  

"Where's your sister?" he asked as he set a plate in front of each of them.  

"I dunno," Cole answered, reaching for his glass of juice.

Charlie just shrugged, his mouth already full of toast and eggs.

He jogged over to the stairs and was about to call for her when she came hurrying down.  "I forgot to email my book review to my teacher!" she wailed as she rounded the corner, tears in her eyes.  "It was due last night by midnight and I forgot!"

"Cassi, it's okay.  Just...email it now," Bellamy tried to calm her.

"I did!  But I don't know if she'll accept it!" she cried, even as he steered her towards the table.  

Bellamy offered her a glass of juice, which she reluctantly sipped, and wondered what he could say to ease her mind.  The chances were that she was going to get serious point deductions for late homework.  It wasn't something her school took lightly.  But Cassi was a high-achieving student, with a good work ethic.  He imagined Clarke had been a lot like her at the same age, honestly.  

Just as he was about to tell her that maybe they'd give her some slack, because of her record of being a good student, Charlie interrupted.  "You emailed her the file?"

Cassi nodded miserably, wiping at a watery eye angrily.  She didn't like to appear weak in front of her brothers.

"Then it'll have the metadata showing that you finished it the other day.  It'll say in the properties that you created it a certain day and that you last edited it a certain day.  Just point that out to your teacher when you get to school."  Charlie sat back and grinned.  "And if that doesn't work, we'll sic Clarke on her.  She'll argue that you did the assignment on time and it's not like your teacher was going to read it before school today."

Surprised at Charlie's helpfulness, Bellamy merely nodded as he got her plate of breakfast ready for her.  "That's..all true.  And if you think it'll help, I can write a note too."

Cassi swallowed and looked at Charlie.  "Do you think that'll work?"

"Yeah.  And what's the harm in trying it?"  He gave her a shrug.  "I'm sure you'll convince her."

She sniffed and sat up a little straighter, nodding.  "Yeah.  I'll convince her," she seemed to promise herself before poking at her toast.

Glad that the crisis seemed to be mostly averted, at least for the moment, Bellamy glanced at the clock.  "Come on guys.  Five minutes until you have to leave for the buses," he called as he pulled their sandwiches from the fridge to put them in their lunch bags.  

Cam, until then, happily preoccupied with eating his puffed cereal, chose that moment to toss his cup onto the floor.  As it clattered loudly on the floor, he called out, "Daddy, cuppie!"

Charlie nearly choked on his food in response while Cassi froze and Cole turned around to stare at the toddler in his high chair.  A horrible, tense silence descended and suddenly, any thought of Christmas fled as Bellamy stared at the kids apologetically.

As of last week, Cam had started calling Bellamy "Daddy."  Sporadically.  Only a handful of times, really, and never in front of anyone else other than himself and Clarke.  They'd held their breath all weekend that he wouldn't drop that bomb over Thanksgiving, but as distracted as he'd been with the whole "Griffin Family Christmas," he'd forgotten he needed to be on guard for this moment.

The teenager moved first, dropping the rest of his food and standing abruptly.  With his gaze fixed on Bellamy, he said, "Cassie, Cole, come on, let's get going."  

As the kids scrambled to get their coats and bags, Bellamy took a step back.  But he told Charlie directly as the teen moved past him, "You know I didn't teach him that."

Charlie only snorted as he pulled on his book bag.  "Right.  Because he magically learned the word on his own."  He herded out his younger siblings quickly while Bellamy watched, deciding that he didn't want the situation to escalate.  Charlie rushing his siblings away before someone could explode was probably for the best.

Before the front door even closed, Cam continued, flipping his bowl and slamming a hand on the tray of his chair.  "Daddy!   Cuppie!"

Bellamy rubbed at his head, trying to calm down the rising sense of being overwhelmed.  "Cam!" he finally barked out when the toddler kept yelling for his attention.  "We don't throw things!  You're just going to have to wait!"  He grabbed a dishcloth angrily and began to clean up the spilled cereal even as the toddler burst into tears.

Naturally, Cam ended up in Bellamy's lap within minutes as he slumped to the floor and leaned against the island and tried to comfort the boy.  "I'm sorry I yelled at you, little man.  But you can't keep throwing things all the time.  It's not nice," he tried to explain.  "I love you, but you can't behave that way."

He didn't think the baby understood everything he said, but Cam did calm down in time, his cries petering out.  Finally, Bellamy heard a quiet, "Cuppie Daddy," as the boy reached for the cup still lying on the floor.  With a sigh, he got to his feet and got the kid a new cup, but let him wander into the family room so he could clean up in peace.  Thankful that Maddie wasn't scheduled to return to his care until tomorrow, he knew he had to get moving if he was going to get the food shopping and a few loads of laundry done before he had to pick up Ethan from school.

Which is why he was in the middle of the grocery store when Clarke called him.  "Hello?" he answered the phone while lurching forward to prevent Cam from grabbing the bag of marshmallows from the shelf.

"I heard the 'Daddy' Bomb dropped."  

He winced, having completely forgotten to warn her.  "Yeah, uh, sorry, it's been a crazy morning."

"I'll bet.  I have about seventeen long-winded texts from Cassi and Charlie sent me like, a formal email."  She sighed.  "At least it didn't happen over Thanksgiving.  Did you get called any names?"

"No, Charlie basically accused me of coaching Cam and then ran them all out the door to the bus early.  I don't know what he thought that would accomplish, but no naming calling."  Yet.

"Okay, well.  I'm going to try and make it home for dinner tonight and we're going to have to talk about this then.  I have a speech prepared."

Without meaning to, he snorted.  "Uh, what?"

"Don't laugh!  I might have spent some time this weekend figuring out what to say when Cam did this. But the argument is the same as when he calls me Mommy.  So, yeah, I'm going to get home as soon as I can so we can have a family dinner and work this all out."

Bellamy shook his head, wondering at how he could be so in love with a woman who thought she could give a speech to three kids and "work out" how they should feel about things.  "Clarke, I just don't think-"

He stopped talking, tongue caught in his throat as he saw Echo turn into the aisle.  She looked the same as ever, tall, willowy, even though he knew she kept herself strong.  She wore her dirty blonde hair in a ponytail and looked like she ran to the store before heading for a workout.  She saw him a few seconds after he spotted her and, to his surprise, walked right towards him.

Years ago, she wouldn't even return his call.  Now, she was walking up to him like nothing happened.

His blood ran cold, then boiling hot, and with all the self-control he could muster, he told Clarke, "I'll call you back."  He shoved his phone into his pocket and pushed at the shopping cart roughly to get moving. 

Whatever closure he'd wanted at one point with Echo, he didn't want it in the middle of a grocery store in front of his kid.  

Of course, shoving the cart abruptly meant that Cam's elephant fell from the seat next to him and onto the floor, something that did not escape the toddler's attention.  "El-fant!  El-fant!" he cried out, immediately straining to climb down.

"Whoa, little man.  I'll get it," Bellamy assured him, stopping the cart and grabbing the plastic toy.  "See, I got it.  Let me just clean it off," he continued, grabbing a wet wipe from the bag and cleaning it before handing the elephant back to the boy before he could melt down.

"I don't know why I'm surprised to see you with a little one of your own, but it's a good look for you," Echo complimented him as soon as she stood by the cart.  Her own basket hung over her forearm and he could see a selection of frozen edamame and fresh vegetables inside.  "You didn't waste any time after me."

"You didn't waste time before and during," he retorted swiftly, then clenched his jaw shut.  

Echo didn't seem upset by this, gaze still on the toddler.  "I guess he takes after his mother.  Cute."  She reached out to ruffle Cam's hair.

But Cam pulled away and gave Bellamy a panicked look as he hugged his elephant to his chest.  "Don't touch him," he ordered, pulling the toddler from the cart and putting him on his hip protectively.

As Cam rested his head against Bellamy's shoulder, clutching at his shirt with his free hand and stared at Echo mistrustfully, he continued.  "I don't think we have anything to say to each other, so why don't you keep on going?"

"Look, I did what I had to do, what was right for my family.  I'm sure you can understand that.  I had to cut that part of my life out to keep moving forward," Echo stated.  "And it was the right move, because now you've got someone and a kid, and that's what right for you too."    

It was like listening to one of those idiotic talking heads on TV who thought if they just disagreed with you hard enough, their version of the truth would real.  "The fact that I moved on and made something awesome out of my life has nothing to do with the shameful way you lived yours.  Goodbye, Echo.  I hope I never see you again."

He pushed the cart away without another word, uncomfortably aware of the fact that only Cam's presence kept his temper in check.  Otherwise, he might have lashed out.  Again.  He certainly felt like lashing out.  Just seeing Echo again, much less hearing her self-serving statements wasn't good for him or his equilibrium.  

He quickly made his way to the meat section, the one area of the store that Echo wouldn't ventured into, and got Cam resettled in the cart.  He spent some time distracting the toddler and himself, getting the boy to name all the toys in his bag and then asking him what he'd like to eat for lunch.

"Spider!"

"We don't eat spiders.  Are you trying to tell me you want to play with your Spiderman doll?"

Cam beamed at him.  "Spider," he agreed, banging his elephant against the cart handlebar.  "Spider jump."

"Okay, when we get home.  But what about eating, huh?  What do you want for lunch?  Noodles?  Turkey?  Chicken?" he prompted.

The toddler furrowed his brow as he thought it over.  "Cuppie milk."

"Milk?  Well, sure, you can have that.  How about with some turkey and some potatoes and some carrots?" he suggested, feeling his heart rate slow to something less like unreasonable anger.

Really, he couldn't have been more thankful for Cam's presence.  Without the kid next to him, without the kid being the priority, Bellamy knew he'd have done something.  He could _feel_ it.  But he wasn't about to let his kid anywhere near that kind of rage and he smiled gratefully at the boy before pressing a kiss to the top of his head.  

"You saved me, little man.  Even if you did make my life harder this morning."

Somehow, he managed to finish the shopping and get them both back home in time to get Cam his lunch and down for a nap.  Only then did he think to check his phone and he winced at the number of text messages waiting for him.

 

 **Clarke:**   _I have another surgery, just text me._

 

 **Clarke:**   _I'm out of surgery, you can call now._

 

 **Clarke:**   _Let me know what's going on._

 

 **Clarke:**   _Bell, are you okay?_

 

 **Clarke:**   _SEriously, if I don't get a call or something in the next fifteen minutes, I'm going to call the police._

 

He quickly called, hoping he could reach her before she got busy with another patient.  The phone barely rang once before she answered.

"Oh my god, Bell, what's wrong?  I have been freaking out-"

"I'm sorry, I am, but.  I, uh."  He expelled a breath.  "I ran into Echo at the store.  It didn't go great, but you know, no yelling, no fighting or anything.  Just needed to calm down a bit.  Then I got distracted with the groceries and getting Cam fed and everything.  I'm sorry."  It all came out in a rush, but he hoped she could hear his sincerity.

"Oh.  Well."  She let out a half-angry breath.  "I get it, but  you know, I'm still pissed because I got worried?"  He could almost see her shaking her head at this.  "Ugh, you just..please don't scare me again like that?"

"Yeah, I promise.  Sorry Clarke, I just wasn't expecting to run into her.  Ever, really."

"Yeah, I get that.  Okay, I gotta run.  But I'll definitely be home for dinner so we can deal with kids tonight."  She paused.  "I love you, okay?"

He smiled, even as he leaned against the wall outside of Cam's room.  "I love you too.  See you at dinner."

Bellamy shuffled off to do some laundry, internally kicking himself for making Clarke worry more.  It wasn't what she needed right now.  They had three angry children to deal with, a Christmas to plan including decorating the whole damned house, along with everything else that needed to be done.  She didn't deserve to have his crap piled on top of all that.

He resolved to make it up to her, pick up a bottle of wine and finally pull her out onto the upstairs porch for that constellation date they'd talked about months ago.  Of course, it would be chilly.  Probably too cold.  So he hastily revised his idea a little, though kept the bottle of wine part since he figured they'd probably both need a drink before the end of the day.

The rest of the afternoon passed in a whirl: getting Cam up from his nap, reading him a book, stopping at the store for a bottle of wine, getting Ethan from school, making an after school snack for all the kids except Charlie who decided to take the late bus, setting them up in the dining room to work on homework, ignoring their near silent-treatment of him, getting dinner prepared and then seeing Gabriel and Ethan off when their parents arrived to take them home.

Bellamy helped Ethan into his jacket as Murphy waited by the front door and the boy went on about his day in school.  But he stopped conversation entirely when he asked his father, "Dad, what are we gonna get Raven for Christmas?"

"It's not even December yet," Murphy grumbled, giving Bellamy an aggravated look.

"It's a big deal in this house.  Sorry," Bellamy responded with a shrug.  He didn't have enough energy to care what Murphy thought about it right now.

"Well, I don't know.  It's going to take some thinking.  Why don't you make a list and we'll talk about it over dinner?" Murphy told his son, though his briefly panicked expression gave Bellamy the impression that he had no clue what to buy for her.

"If it's any consolation, I have no idea what to get Clarke either," he offered while handing over Ethan's bag.

Murphy nodded sagely as he took Ethan's stuff, telling his son to head to the car.  "Yeah, what do you get people who get whatever they want on their own anyway?"

"Clarke does not buy things for herself anymore, not since the kids," Bellamy defended.

"Yeah, okay, that's why you're full of ideas for her present," Murphy answered wryly before giving him a sardonic wave and following his son out the door.

Bellamy frowned and closed the door after him, annoyed that he got the last word.  But he had a point.  It shouldn't be hard to buy something for Clarke when she basically didn't spend money on herself and yet here he was, without any good ideas.  But, he realized, as he walked back to the kitchen and gave Cam, who was playing with his workbench, a smile, that was not his top concern tonight.

He got a very reluctant Cassi to set the table once he got back to the kitchen, since it was her turn, and was in the middle of putting together a salad to go along with their spaghetti and meatball dinner when Charlie got home.  Fortunately, the teen didn't get a chance to do much more than glare at him before Clarke arrived.

She bustled in from the garage, dumping her bags by the island in the kitchen and immediately going to wash her hands.  "Anything I can do to help?"

"Uh, take the garlic bread out of the oven?" Bellamy suggested, shocked that she managed to escape the hospital as early as she had.  

"Great," she beamed at him as she dried her hands.  "Kids!  Dinner's ready!" she called as she pulled the bread from the oven and started to put the big dishes on the table.  Soon enough, in near silence, each of the children came to the table and Bellamy exchanged knowing looks with Clarke as they finished getting dinner served.

Bellamy had just put Cam in his chair with a helping of cooled noodles, cut up meatballs and a bit of sauce when Clarke cleared her throat.  

"Before we get too into eating, I want to talk about what happened today," she started, looking at each of the kids before settling her gaze on Charlie.  "I know that Cam called Bellamy 'Daddy' today.  And I know that you're upset about that."

"He shouldn't be encouraging Cam to do that.  He's not his father," Charlie answered, quickly looking at Bellamy pointedly.  "I get it.  You're here, you're doing all the dad type stuff and you're with my sister.  But that doesn't make you his father.  He has a dad and I'm not going to sit here and pretend it's okay that he thinks you're his dad instead."

"I never said I was his father and I never encouraged him to call me that," Bellamy quickly denied.  "It's like how he calls Clarke 'Mommy'.  We're just the people in his life who he knows in those roles."

But Charlie just shook his head while Cassi frowned and spoke up.  "No, but you shouldn't just, like, let him.  If he says it, you say 'no' and tell him to call you Bellamy," she opined, crossing her arms.

"That's not going to work, Cassi, and you know it.  And you do too.  This is not something new for us.  Cam deserves to have parents that he remembers.  And like it or not, that's Bellamy and me to Cam.  I'm not going to tell him that he can't call us Mommy and Daddy because it upsets you.

"And honestly, it doesn't matter what Cam call us.  We're his parents right now.  We're his second set of parents, but we're still his parents.  I know you hate that.  I hate it, but it doesn't make it any less true.  Think of all the kids who have four parents because their biological parents divorced and remarried, or kids like Maddie.  She's got biological parents and adoptive parents and that's just how it is."

Bellamy could not quite believe that this was the speech that Clarke had prepared.  He thought she'd wildly misread the kids, even Cole, who looked downright uncomfortable at the notion that Bellamy and Clarke were Cam's parents now.

"He is not his parent," Charlie spit out, looking livid and probably speaking for each of his siblings who was over the age of two.  "And he isn't Cam's dad.  He should be teaching him about Dad, not-"

"How should Bell do that?  He never met him.  But you could.  Not that I see you taking care of the baby basically ever.  I don't think that one time at the pool and for an hour at Halloween counts.  You want Cam to know Dad?  Then step up, Charlie.  I know I talk about Mom and Dad to him sometimes, at bedtime.  Do you?  Ever?"

Charlie's face went red under the accusation and he looked away.  Cole just looked at his plate and Cassi looked to a corner as she struggled to keep herself from crying.

"I'm sorry we have to be the parents, but we are.  That's reality.  That's this awful reality we're all in right now, okay?  Fortunately, we're not horrible people.  And you don't get to act like a dickhead to us because of it."  Clarke turned on Cassi and Cole, who'd gone absolutely silent during the argument.  "Same goes for you two.  You can hate us all you want, but you can't act up.  So, you don't have to like it, but you do have to lump it, and if you give either Bellamy or Cam any grief about it, we're going to have a problem. Understood?"

There were a trio of silent nods, but Charlie still looked furious. With the issue seemingly settled, an awkward silence descended on the table. Neither Bellamy or Clarke failed to notice that the kids didn't eat much, including Charlie, and what few attempts they made to talk about other things withered on the vine.  But that only lasted about ten minutes before Charlie started shaking his head.

"Look, you might be our legal guardian," he told his sister.  "But he is not.  He's just some guy you're dating and who's like, living here now.  What happens if you break up?  He's gone and now Cam thinks his dad has abandoned him.  No way, I'm not going to let him get hurt like that again."

"Not going to happen," Bellamy answered before Clarke could.  He held up his hand to forestall her jumping into the argument and she nodded, allowing him to take this one.  "Clarke and I talked about this.  Whatever happens between her and I, it's not going to affect my relationship with you guys. We're not playing around here.  She and I agreed that if we ever broke up, I'd still be around for all of you, even Cam.  You don't divorce kids.  God knows I can't leave kids behind anyway.  Charlotte knows she can come to me at any time and she knows I'm going to check on her for the rest of her life.  I half-raised my sister and when she needs a parent, I'm still there for her."

While the kids stared in shock, Clarke merely nodded.  "That's what I was talking to you guys about in September.  When I said he's going to be the legal guardian if something ever happened to me, I meant it.  You guys come first for us.  Always.  That's part of why I'm with him; he's going to look after you guys like I would."

"So, yeah, that's it.  If Cam wants to call me Daddy, I'm okay with it, because I accept everything that comes with that.  I'm not going to leave him. I'm not going to leave you guys."

"Which is a good thing," Clarke confirmed before taking a bite.

"I still don't like it," Charlie said abruptly.  But he put another helping of dinner on his plate, so Bellamy knew he'd begun to make his peace with it.  At least for the evening.

"Me either," Cassi agreed with a nod.

When he looked at Cole, the boy just shrugged.  "I'm not gonna call you Dad."

"No worries, buddy.  You don't have to."

"And after Cam goes to sleep, I figure we can start to put up some of the decorations.  Maybe the garland up at least," Clarke suggested to the kids, trying to change the subject.

Somehow, they made it through the rest of dinner, but afterwards, Charlie decided that he would help Clarke give Cam his bath and put him to bed.  Bellamy couldn't say he was surprised.  He predicted that Charlie would be all over the toddler for a few days, until he started to calm down about the "Dad" business.

While Bellamy put away the leftovers, he supervised Cassi and Cole as they cleared the table, rinsing off the plates and put them in the dishwasher.  He thanked them both for helping out, eventually getting out of Cassi that her teacher had accepted her paper without deductions since half the class forgot to email the paper over the holiday weekend, and offered them cookies while he put on some milk for cocoa.

When Clarke and Charlie rejoined them, he offered them cookies and cocoa as well and the kids helped for about half an hour before they grew bored and restless.  About the time they were abandoned again, Bellamy caught Clarke's attention by pulling out the bottle of wine he'd bought earlier in the day.  

"Can I interest you in a glass?"

"Maybe half the bottle, actually," she admitted as she slumped into a seat at the counter.  But she added a smile.  "But my speech worked."

Bellamy chuckled as he poured her a glass.  "I don't think it really did?  I think it ended the silent treatment, but they're pretty pissed off, Charlie and Cassi.  I think you did the right thing though, letting them know they were within their rights to be upset."

"I can't believe he called you 'some guy', like you don't do everything around here for all of us."  She sounded torn between distress for his feelings and anger at Charlie for his.

"In the many things I've been called in my life, 'some guy' isn't that bad," Bellamy assured her as he handed her the glass.   "Plus, he's legitimately upset.  His younger brother calls you Mom and me Dad.  I get it.  But we're not usurpers.  We're just permanent substitutes."

She took a sip and nodded once.  "That's a pretty good way to put it.  I guess maybe I should've let you talk more?"

"I don't know.  I don't really think Charlie or Cassi wants to hear from me right now."  He poured himself half a glass and glanced at the time.  "We've got half an hour 'til bedtime."

"I can get drunk in half-an-hour," she told him matter-of-factly, talking another longer sip of wine.

He laughed lowly, shaking his head as he leaned against the counter.  "After the kids are in bed?  Maybe with some Murder Channel?"

Clarke flushed and nodded.  "Sounds like a plan.  A good one, as usual, though I didn't think you'd want to watch Murder Channel."

"As long as you relax a little, I'm good."

She snorted, shaking her head.  "I'm not the one who had to deal with a despicable ex today.  We can watch History Channel, if you want. Or that Commodus documentary thing on Netflix you looked interested in."  She paused, and added, "You haven't told me what happened."

He took a sip before answering, considering his words carefully.  "Let's talk about it after the kids are in bed.  Long story short, she was still Echo, but I'll give you the details later."

"So...no.."  Clarke stuck out her tongue in a 'bleh' pantomime.  "I don't know how to describe it.  Not closure.  But like…"  She sat a little straighter.  "I get annoyed at myself still, when I think of Finn and it's not...nothing.  I want him to be nothing to me."

"Yeah, she definitely isn't nothing.  Yet.  I don't know when I'm going to get to nothing," he admitted, setting down his wineglass so he wasn't tempted to grip it too strongly.  

Before he knew it, Clarke was in his arms, hugging him tightly.  "As long as we have each other, we'll get through it."

He bowed his head, holding her close.  Moments like this, where Clarke would offer herself up to help, even in the face of amorphous threats to his emotional well-being that she couldn't actually fight on his behalf, were what made him love her so much.

And if anyone deserved his best to make some crazy, extravagant Christmas, it was Clarke.

* * *

 A week of Charlie hovering over Cam, to Bellamy, Clarke and even Cam's great annoyance, yielded exactly one instance where Cam called Bellamy "Bell" and Charlie wasn't even there to see it, being at school at the time.  Clarke privately thought it served him right, to try and take away the only father figure Cam could remember, but she also knew that Charlie was feeling their father and mother's absence more strongly in December.

This was the time of year their mother would work harder to make time with them, usually taking off the last two weeks in December completely.  December and January tended to be their father's slow period in his business too, so they spent a lot more time as a family typically during this time of year.  But Clarke didn't have any time off remaining and Bellamy's business was the kids, so nothing was really different in December for them, making their parents' loss sharper.

At first, she was tempted to ask Bellamy to arrange some fun activities, the kinds her parents would do.  The Christmas cookie day of baking, going to see the tree lighting, going ice skating were all on the usual list, but in the end she thought it would just upset Charlie and Cassi more.  Not to mention that Bellamy had enough on his plate, making sure basically all of Christmas happened on his own because she was working.

But she had managed to find time to shop.  The worst thing that could happen to her was figuring out the Amazon shopping app, because every day or two, she'd find something small to get the kids.  She always justified it to herself by promising that these were gifts for their stockings, which she'd forgotten to mention to Bellamy also needed to be filled.  But once the boxes started showing up at the house, he'd caught on and told her he'd take care of it.

Because of course he did.

So the only thing she had to do to show her appreciation for this man who basically took care of everything for her was to get him a completely awesome gift.  Unfortunately, she had no ideas.  Or rather, no ideas that didn't cost thousands of dollars.  Because the obvious gift for him was a trip to Greece and Italy to see all the monuments, maybe relax a little, eat some great food.  Even though she knew it was completely out of range of the budget, she wasted at least four days looking up flights and hotels and touring packages, wistfully thinking of the day when maybe she could afford to take him on such a vacation.

Right now, though, even taking a day off was out of reach for them.

"Okay, I'm treating you to this wonderful Thai food and you're sitting there, staring at it like it's oatmeal.  What gives?" Raven interrupted her thoughts one day over lunch on one of her days off.  She'd taken a list of errands from Bellamy, which included picking up Cassi's secondary gift, but stopped long enough to meet her friend for lunch.

"I don't know what to get Bellamy for Christmas.  Or rather, I do, but I don't have the money to do it," she admitted, sitting back in her chair with a huff.  "What are you getting for Murphy?"

Raven smirked as she put some pad thai on her plate.  "Besides a really nice set of lingerie for myself which he'll have the privilege of taking off of me?  I got him tickets to see the Red Wings when they're in town, good seats for him and Ethan.  A Red Wings sweatshirt with the old typeface logo thing.  And a new laptop.  Well, I'm building one for him, because his is old and shitty and he needs a new one.  That's really for him and Ethan.  Ethan I'm getting a decent tablet and this 3D puzzle thing he wants."

When Clarke just blinked at her in response, she shrugged.  "Don't worry, I have stuff all planned for your kids too."

"I didn't know that Murphy liked...is it hockey?"

Raven chuckled.  "Yeah, that's hockey.  He's a fan, but not like a guy who talks about it much.  He's got an old shirt that I think was probably his dad's, maybe, but he won't say.  And like, one other thing.  So I'm getting him some more stuff.  He doesn't have much, but I guess he's not a stuff guy, really."

Despite her own gift issues, Clarke smiled.  "So things are still going well, huh?"

"Yeah, really well.  It's amazing to not have to parse his words for the truth, you know?"  Raven's grin was positively feral.  "And he's amazing in bed."

Clarke flushed and chuckled.  "I'd have never guessed that."

"Yeah, well, I think it's a function of him paying attention.  Also, his getting me off kink, which I wholeheartedly approve of."  she took a sip of her iced tea and motioned to Clarke with her fork.  "How about you?  Everything okay between you and yours?"

"Bell?  Yeah.  We're, you know, in sync.  In bed, in everywhere else, I guess."  Despite needing to think of a present for him, Clarke did not want to talk about their intimate details with Raven.  Even though they'd been together now for a few months, she fantasized about marrying him and she'd made him the kids’ guardian in case anything happened to her, she knew that what they had was still too new, too big, too much to invite anyone else but themselves to examine it.

For now.

"I just..really want to find something to get him.  Something awesome.  Because he's awesome and I want to celebrate him.  Also, I get the impression that no one really made sure his Christmases were good, so-"

"You're going to make up for it all in one go?" Raven asked skeptically.  "Maybe dial back the pressure on yourself, just bit."

Clarke stuck out her tongue at her friend, but began to pile some food on her plate.  "Yeah, I know, cliche, but...necessary.  He's amazing and I want to show him that I appreciate that amazingness."

"Just don't Gift of the Magi yourself, because if any two people could do that, I think it's you guys."

"I don't see how.  Neither of us have prized possessions we would sell to afford something for the other," Clarke denied, but she smiled a little.  "But yeah, I think we would both sacrifice a lot for each other."

"I'm just saying you both sacrifice a lot for the kids.  Don't get too wrapped up in presents.  I can afford to spoil the Murphys, so I am, but I'm not expecting a lot back because that's not their thing and Murphy's paycheck kind of sucks.  As long as I can spend Christmas watching Ethan go nuts opening presents, I'm good."

"Well, that's a goal for us too, making the holiday awesome for the kids," Clarke answered quickly.  "I just want to get him something that says, 'Hey, I pay attention and I know what you like and thank you for being awesome because I couldn't do this without you.'"  She blew out a breath.  "But apparently, despite actually knowing him, I can't think of anything good."

"You will.  You're probably just freaking out about it too much.  You got to get out of your own way, you know?" Raven responded, using rather flawless logic and an easy one-shouldered shrug.

"When have I ever done that?"

"Mmm, based on the very vague details I got out of you, the night you finally boned the nanny."

Clarke threw the remains of her straw wrapper at Raven, who only defended herself with a laugh.  "I'm not wrong!"  

Laughing at herself, Clarke rolled her eyes.  "Yes, okay, the genius is right.  Let's talk about something else.  So I can get out of my own way."

"Yeah, sure.  We still on for this weekend, taking the kids to the movies?"

After lunch, Clarke went to a couple of stores, picking up the presents for the kids, as well as two extra toys to donate to Toys for Tots, and swung by the store for some cleaning supplies that were on the list Bellamy had given her.  Standing in the checkout line, she double-checked to make sure she got everything when her phone rang.  Cassi's picture came up right away.

"Cassi?  What's wrong?"

"I missed the bus at school and I don't want to wait for the late bus.  Can you come pick me up?"

Clarke shook her head, instantly relieved.  "Yeah, sure.  I'm just in the line at the store, I can be there in maybe twenty minutes?"

"Okay!  Thanks Clarke."

Twenty-five minutes later, she watched as Cassi pulled herself into the passenger seat of her SUV and put on the seatbelt before starting for home.  "How come you missed the bus?"

"Uh, I left my math book in my locker and I needed it tonight and by the time I got back the busses were leaving," Cassi explained, making a face.   

"Well, at least you picked a day where I wasn't working so I could do it," Clarke replied, giving her a smile.  "Anything interesting happen in school today?"

Cassi shrugged, leaning against the door as she fiddled with her phone.  "No."  

"No, nothing?"

Her sister huffed.  "They're having tryouts for a spring play next week."

"Oh yeah?  Think you're going to try out?"

"I don't know...Charlotte is going to, and Jackie.  But."  Cassi wrinkled her nose.  "They want me to too, but I think maybe I want to do the other stuff."

"Other stuff?"

"I wanna join stage crew, because we get to help the director, Mr. Thomson, design the sets."

Clarke grinned as she pulled onto the road.  "So sign up for stage crew."

"Jackie and Charlotte say that only dorks are in stage crew or people who aren't good enough to be the play," Cassi replied softly.  "I'm not a dork!"

"Okay, I don't like that Jackie or Charlotte are using that word to describe other kids.  But they're just wrong.  Being on the stage crew, working with the costumes, or designing the set, or painting the backgrounds, that's all important work.  You know, in movies, on Broadway, in TV shows, there are people who do that stuff and they're very important people.  They give out Oscars and Emmys and Tonys for costume design, and set design.  Though maybe it's called something else, but that's what it is.  Anyway, that's really important work and no one's a dork for doing it."

When Cassi made no reply, just stared out the window, Clarke added, "What's the play about?"

"It's Beauty and the Beast, but like, funny?  Not like the Disney version.  There are lots of parts so if I tried out I'd probably get a part."  Cassi tossed this off casually, replying to a text on her phone.

"If you want to do stage crew, do stage crew.  You can tell Jackie and Charlotte that you'll make sure they're lit correctly on stage and that the sets don't suck that way."

Cassi smiled, turning to her seat to look at Clarke directly.  "That's a good idea," she admitted.  "I'm gonna do that."

"Good.  Glad we could work that out," Clarke replied, relieved that her problem-solving abilities weren't completely useless.

But then Cassi changed the subject on her, all but knocking the wind out of her in surprise.

"How come you and Bellamy aren't getting married?"

Clarke coughed.  "What?"

"You made, him like, the guardian of us, and you let Cam call him 'Daddy', but you're not married."  It was almost an accusation.

Clarke sputtered for a moment.  "Not that long ago, you were upset that I was even with him, and now you're upset we're not married?"

"I just want to know why!  It's like you're married, but you're not!"

"Is this Charlotte asking?"  Clarke recalled that the girl seemed much more enthusiastic about the prospect of Bellamy settling down than her sister.

"No, I want to know!"

Frowning, Clarke took a moment to collect her thoughts, debating on whether she should tell Cassi the truth or make up something.  Ultimately deciding that her lying abilities sucked, and though pointedly aware that she hadn't wanted to talk to Raven about this very thing, she ventured, "If I tell you, you can't get mad at me or worried or anything, okay?  There's a reason I don't usually talk to you about this stuff."

"Okay, I promise."  Cassi leaned back against the seat, but kept her attention on Clarke.

"Well, it's basically for a couple a reasons.  Some aren't so big a deal, like, that I kind of want to get married in the spring or summer, with a lot of, you know, living things around, even if it's just the backyard with the trees.  I also want you guys, you and your brothers, to be a part of the wedding and Cam's still too young, really, so that means not even this year but probably the year after."

Cassi did not look impressed by the answer so far, but waited as Clarke continued, getting into the heart of the matter.  The stuff that she hadn't wanted to discuss with Raven or anyone else really.  But Cassi wasn't Raven; this was her litter sister, someone who was more directly affected by the goings-on of Clarke's private life.  As she'd pointed out, Clarke trusted Bellamy enough to make them their guardian.  She deserved to know why Clarke seemed reluctant to tie the knot with him, to bind herself legally to the man she thought enough of to raise her siblings.

So she took a deep breath and said, "But mostly, it's because we haven't gotten enough us together alone time to make sure what we are to each other is exactly what we think we are to each other."

Ever since Bryan and Miller's wedding, Clarke had been turning over exactly Cassi's question in her mind.  Why didn't she and Bellamy just get married?  But she found herself hesitant to just run down to the courthouse with him and after pondering over it one night and talking with Bellamy about it the next evening, only to find out he felt the same way, they figured out the answer.

"Since we got together, we've had two what you could call dates.  And we had fun, and we enjoyed each other's company, but most of our time is with you guys, one or all of you.  Which we don't mind!  We love you, we're here for you.  

"But we need more alone time, time that isn't just an hour before we go to bed, to be totally, completely sure that we are going to be good as a couple even if you guys aren't in the picture.  Because neither of us want to be those people who get a divorce after the kids move out because it turns out that they focused too much of their lives on the kids and they don't have things in common anymore.  I don't think that's gonna be us, but I want to be sure.  We want to be sure."

Cassi did not look pleased to hear it, which Clarke expected.  "You want to do stuff without us."

"Sometimes, being with someone isn't about doing stuff, exactly, together.  In fact, that's not a good way to put it at all.  I want to know that when I'm myself, totally myself, not focused on someone else, that he still loves me.   I want to know when he's totally himself, that I still love him.  We know we love each other, but is our love us, or is it a product of our situation?  We just want to be sure.  We have the same goals in life, but the first four of those goals right now are you guys, so we need to figure out the not-you-guys stuff, and I'm probably explaining this all wrong.  Bellamy's better with words," she finished with a frown.

Her sister inhaled and looked away.  "You're not married because of us."

"We're together because of you guys because without you, I'd have never met him.  Without seeing him care about you like I do, I wouldn't have fallen in love with him," Clarke corrected.  "But you know, we've all been through so much this year and it's not...I don't want to add marrying him on top of it all either."

Cassi hummed and slumped in her seat.  "Do you think he really loves us?" she asked, voice small.

"Yes.  Yes, he does.  I have no doubts about that."  Clarke didn't doubt that Bellamy loved all of them.  

"And he's never gonna leave us?"

"Nope.  Whatever happens between me and Bellamy, he's a permanent part of your life.  We aren't playing games with that."  She punctuated the statement with a nod.

Her sister sighed and started typing on her phone again.  "So what should I get him for Christmas?"

Clarke laughed, flashing Cassi a smile.  "You know, he'd love anything you got him, but you don't have to buy him a present."

"Of course I do.  If I get you a present, he has to get one!"  Apparently, Cassi's sense of fairness was offended by the suggestion.

"Well, you don't have to get me one either."

Cassi gave her a withering look.  "I'm not a baby.  I'm gonna get you a present."

"Okay, but don't stress out about it.  I'm fine, Bellamy's fine with little things."

When her sister didn't respond, too absorbed in her phone to say anything, Clarke decided to add, "And, uh, Cassi?  Could you not talk to anyone about what I said about marrying Bellamy?  I told you because you asked and you're my sister.  But this isn't something I want your friends to know about, okay?"

Cassi gave her a long look, one that Clarke couldn't read, but then nodded.  "Okay.  I won't tell anyone."

She ran into the house as soon as they got home, which let Clarke get the cleaning supplies out of the back of the car without her sister seeing all the bags of presents for herself and her brothers.  When Clarke got into the house herself, she found the usual chaos of a weekday afternoon at the house.  Charlie worked on his own homework in the family room, with the TV on, with Cam playing with some Duplo blocks off to one side.  Cole, Gabe and Ethan were in the dining room, eating a snack and working on their own homework, while Cassi set up at the end of the table.  Bellamy leaned over Gabe's chair, helping him on a worksheet that looked like it had something to do with grammar.

"Hey guys," she greeted them all and got a chorus of hellos in return.  Bellamy flashed her a smile, though.  

"Great, you got the spray.  We're almost out.  Had another flipped plate at lunch, though this time he got most of it on him," he reported.

Clarke just shook her head.  "I don't know why he's so enamored of that.  I'm going to put this stuff away.  Do you need any help making dinner?"

"Nah.  Just going to fry up some salmon filets tonight, roast some potatoes, steamed green beans.  Nothing too difficult.  And if I do need a hand, Cole's going to help, because it's his turn, right?"

Cole nodded quickly, then went back to explaining to Ethan exactly why being in the fourth grade was the best, not like third grade.

Clarke rolled her eyes at her brother but turned back to Bellamy.  "Okay then, I'm going to try and get some laundry done.  Call me when you need something..or when dinner is done?"

"Sure thing.  Might call you to help when it's time to get Cam into his high chair, get him fed."

As she turned away, he added, "Oh, I put the outfit Cam spilled his lunch over in the laundry room.  Can you throw it in the load you're about to do?"

"Sure thing," she parroted back at him and he chuckled, as she knew he'd do.

Clarke threw Cam's clothes into a load of her and Bellamy's things from their room, working on the stains with some of the pre-treaters, and thinking over the conversation she'd had in the car with her sister.  Specifically about Bellamy's gift, since she felt curiously relieved at having told Cassi about why she and Bellamy weren't about to get hitched anytime soon.  

One thing Clarke prided herself on, especially in light of what happened with Finn, was the honesty that she had with Bellamy.  She knew this man.  So it bothered the hell out of her that she couldn't think of something good to get him. The picture she drew for him of his characters for his birthday had been an excellent idea, but she couldn't repeat it now. Hell, even his girlfriend over the summer had picked out a good present for him, and she didn't know him half as well-

She slammed the door shut on the washer, which made just the right amount of noise for the revelation going on in her head.

After she got the load started, she snuck into the apartment, where some of Bellamy's stuff still lived, including his collection of books.  When he had time, which was rare, he liked to come here and work on his books, and he liked to have his materials at hand, rather than relocate them to the library downstairs.

The book Gina had given him - a hardbound copy of _The Iliad_ \- sat on one of the shelves.  He'd finally read it in October and actually commented upon the translation and notes, which he found to be really interesting.  She pulled it down and leafed through the pages until she got to the one that explained about the translation.

And found out that yes, it was part of a series.

Flopping on the couch, she quickly went to Amazon and found the series.  Within fifteen minutes, she'd picked up a number of books and even a t-shirt that'd popped up in the recommended list once Amazon got a load of what she was putting in her cart.  By the time she was ready to put the laundry in the dryer, she had most of Bellamy's Christmas gifts purchased and figured out what else she wanted to buy him and even what to put in his stocking.

Smiling, she made her way back downstairs, picking up Cam in the family room and taking him into the kitchen to settle him in his high chair.  "Smells great," she told Bellamy, beaming at him.

"You've got a grin from ear to ear," he replied after a glance as he seasoned the fish on the stove.  "Anything I need to know?"

"I just had a good day, is all.  You?" she answered as she found a clean bib for the toddler.

"Can't complain.  Cole asked to play a game after dinner.  I checked, and his homework is done."  

"Well, depending on if Cassi and Charlie are free, we can talk about what to play at dinner," Clarke agreed easily enough.  "Unless he means a video game."

"No, I don't think so.  If he did, he'd have gone to Charlie first.  Let's see what he's thinking," Bellamy suggested as he turned on the burner under the pot of green beans.

When the doorbell rang, Clarke offered to get it, assuming it was either Sharon or Murphy there to pick up their kids.  To her surprise, Raven stood on her doorstep.

"Long time, no see," she greeted the doctor before stumping into the house.  "Hey, Ethan," she greeted, waving to the boy who'd already started to get his bookbag packed.

"Raven!"  He ran over to give her a quick hug.  "How come you're here?"  His greeting got Cole's attention, who also hurried into the foyer to greet the engineer.

Clarke looked pointedly at her friend, who hadn't so much as given her a texted heads-up that she was stopping by.  "Did you want to crash dinner?"

"Nope."  Raven looked down at Ethan.  "Your dad got stuck at work so he asked me if I could pick you up.  I'm not much for cooking dinner, so how about we stop at this really good chicken place I know?  They make a mac and cheese that's so, so good.  What do you say?"

"Yeah!" Ethan readily agreed.  "Let me get my stuff!"

"Can I-"

Clarke cut off her brother before he could find a way to intrude.  "Hey Cole, Bell told me you want to play a game after dinner.  Why don't you pick one or two out and we can see if Cassi and Charlie wants to play too."  

Cole looked briefly torn at the distraction, but succumbed after a heartbeat.  "Okay.  See ya, Raven!" he called as he ran to the steps and thundered up to his room to pick out something.

"Nice," Raven complimented, nodding sagely at Clarke.  When Ethan returned, she made her goodbyes and let the third-grader fill her in on his day.  They passed Sharon on her way up the walk and soon Gabe was out the door as well.

Within twenty minutes, Clarke was seated at the table with her family, digging into a nice dinner and watching as Cam actually put a good portion of his food into his mouth.

"Don't get your hopes up," Bellamy told her with a smirk.  "I think he's just hungry."

"Yeah, well, a girl can dream, right?"  she laughed.  "How was your day Charlie?" she asked her oldest brother.

"Good," he replied shortly before shoveling some potatoes into his mouth.

"Me too.  Me too," she answered, genuinely hopeful for the first time that this Christmas might actually give them all the good memories that they needed.

* * *

With less than two weeks before Christmas, Bellamy's preparations were nearly complete.   The kids' presents were all wrapped and upstairs in the bedroom closet of the apartment.  Clarke's were as well, though he didn't tell her that, knowing she wouldn't notice another two packages in there, even as she kept adding little things for their stockings.  The menu for both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day was set, along with the guest list, and of course, the house was completely decorated.

And yet, he still felt like something was missing.  That despite his best efforts, this would not be a magical Griffin Family Christmas.  Which is pretty much the only thing that Clarke actually wanted for Christmas.

Clarke herself walked into the kitchen while on her phone as he finished up the tilapia filet for Cassi's dinner, giving him a brief smile before picking out a tomato from the salad.  "Well, let me talk to the kids about it," she said.  "I can give you a call after dinner. ...okay.  Thanks.  Talk to you soon."  As she hung up, she popped the tomato in her mouth.

Bellamy gave her a questioning look and she smiled again, tiredly.  She'd gotten back from an overnight several hours ago and even though she took a short nap, he could tell she was running on fumes.  "The Kanes have invited us for Christmas Eve dinner at their place."

He blinked.  "Isn't that your family only dinner night?"

"Usually, yeah, but I think that's why they invited us.  Also, it's Maddie's first Christmas with them and they want to do a big thing on Christmas Eve with us so that Christmas Day dinner is with the Cartwigs."  She sighed.  "We're so close to them, and they feel like family, you know?  Plus, one less meal for you to cook since I have to work Christmas Eve until six and will be my usual no-help-self.  So I could just meet you guys there.  I just want to see how the kids feel about it first."

"Oh, sure," he answered, already thinking about the changes to the schedule and turning back to the stove to check the filet, then plated it for Cassi.  The near-teen sat at the dinner table already, fiddling with her phone while waiting for dinner to start.

When they were all seated for dinner, Cam slowly using his fork to get the roast beef pieces to to his mouth, Clarke explained the Kanes' offer to the children.  

"That's when they'd give you their presents too," she noted as she put some mashed potatoes on her plate.  "But we won't open them 'til the next day.  They don't want the meal to be about presents and I agree.  And we never open anything on Christmas Eve anyway."

"What are they making for dinner?" Charlie asked, having already devoured half of his current meal.

"I didn't ask, but they're well-aware of how much you eat and your being a vegetarian, Cassi, so I'm not worried about that," Clarke replied with some amusement, then shifted her tone.  "Cassi, come on, we're eating, put down the phone."

With a huff, Cassi typed out something quickly and then put the phone face-down on the table with a flip of her hand.

"Thank you.  Now what do you think about going to Kanes for Christmas Eve?"

"I don't care," she replied, cutting into her fish.

"Cole?" she asked, only to get a shrug as he reached for one of the rolls.

"Can we make hotdogs in the bread thing?"

"Pigs in a blanket?" Bellamy asked.  "That's what it's called when the little hotdogs are wrapped up in pastry."

Cole nodded vigorously as he stuffed the roll in his face.

"Well, they'd be cooking," Bellamy began, an idea sparking in his mind.  "But what we could do afterwards, if you guys want, is we could do a sleepover thing here in the family room and I could make some small things to eat, like pigs in a blanket, and other snacks, and we could have cookies afterwards and cocoa, and you know, watch movies 'til we fell asleep.  Then we'd all be together already when it's time to get up in the morning for presents."

Clarke perked up at the idea and beamed at him.  "That sounds great to me.  We can stuff ourselves and then just fall asleep right there."

"Won't it be harder for you guys to sneak presents under the tree in the living room if we're all in the family room?" Charlie wondered.

"Not really," Bellamy assured him.  "Besides, because you guys don't believe in Santa, it's not like we have to sneak anything  in there anyway."  Apparently, Santa was not and never was a thing in the Griffin household, because their parents wanted their kids to acknowledge that presents were the result of other people's thoughtfulness and not a magical elf.

"Can we build a fort?" Cole asked, rather predictably.

"We can build pillow piles and I think I saw an inflatable mattress in the storage room.  Between the couches and that and some sleeping bags, we should should all be pretty comfortable."

"So we can stay up, like, really late?" Cassi asked with a grin.

"Yeah, why not?  We don't have guests coming on Christmas until later in the afternoon, so we'll have plenty of time to clean it all up," Bellamy agreed.  

"Okay, are we all agreed then?  We'll go to the Kanes for dinner but come back here and do a picnic and a sleep in the family room?" Clarke asked, directing her gaze at each of her older siblings in turn.  Cassi and Cole both nodded, but Charlie thought about it for a moment before he added his own.

"They're basically family, the Kanes.  Yeah, it's okay."

"Thanks, Charlie," Clarke replied dryly.

"Okay, so Cole wants pigs in a blanket.  Does anyone want something else in particular for a snack on Christmas Eve?" Bellamy wondered.  Making snacks for the family would be a lot less work than a full dinner, so he could probably get more prep work done for the Christmas Day dinner than he thought the day before.  Going to the Kanes made his life a whole lot easier.

"Oh, those cheese mushroom things!" Cassi requested.  "I know you made them on the grill, but can you do it in the oven?"

Bellamy grinned.  "Yeah, I can do that.  And I think maybe something like shrimp poppers too.  Clarke, Charlie, any requests?"

"The shrimp sounds good to me," Clarke answered with a laugh.  

"What about those crab cake things?" Charlie wondered.  "I don't mean, like make 'em, but like, buy some at the store."

"I'll see what I can find," Bellamy promised.  "Sounds like a pretty nice plan."

"What are you making for Christmas dinner?" Charlie immediately asked, making Clarke widen her eyes and shake her in disbelief as she took another bite of her dinner.

"We've got a lot of people coming, so some blackened salmon and a brisket.  And the usual sorts of things otherwise, potatoes, salad, some asparagus.  People are bringing some things too."

"Okay," Charlie replied, prompting Bellamy and Clarke to share a knowing look.  As long as the boy was fed, he seemed okay, the whole "daddy" business with Cam notwithstanding.

After dinner, despite her tiredness, Clarke insisted that she would handle the dishes, so Bellamy took Cam upstairs for a quick bath and to get him into bed.  Cam, however, had other ideas, becoming entranced with the octopus bath toy that came with rings that you tried to get on the end of his tentacles.  He insisted on staying in the bath until Bellamy was forced to take him out as the water began to chill.

As Bellamy toweled off the crying toddler, he sighed.  Cam's natural instinct, like all little kids when overtired, was to completely meltdown in the face of being told no.  He decide not to even try to get him to brush his teeth and instead, let him rampage in his room as soon as he got the flailing toddler into his pajamas for the night.

Cam ran around his room, pulling toys from bins and throwing them, knocking over a stack of diapers on a shelf and in general, making a mess.  Bellamy showed him how unaffected he was by this display of temper by sitting near the door, leaning against the wall and making a big production of checking his phone instead of paying attention to the temper tantrum.  "Just so you know, little man, you're going to clean all this up in the morning," he added casually.

He turned to YouTube, finding some animal videos to watch while Cam slowly calmed himself down, going longer and longer between throwing a toy.  When none of it seemed to get Bellamy's attention, he found his Spiderman doll on the floor and tucked it under his arm before wandering over to see what Bellamy was watching.

When Bellamy still didn't acknowledge him, despite standing right next to him, he said in a little voice, "Daddy, I see."

"What do we say when we want something?" Bellamy asked, keeping his eyes on the phone screen.

"Peas."  With that, Bellamy allowed the boy to scramble into his lap and watch the zoo animals video with him.  Cam hugged his Spiderman doll close, gaze locked on the screen and didn't even attempt to touch the animals, the way he normally did.  Gradually, his eyes began to flutter and he fell asleep resting against Bellamy's chest.

After he got Cam into his crib, Bellamy surveyed the wreckage of the room and shook his head.  Deciding to leave the mess entirely to tomorrow, he picked his way out and back downstairs, only to find the rest of the Griffins involved in a competition to see how far back from the trashcan they could stand and still throw in crumpled up napkins.

Chuckling to see that they were playing a game not that dissimilar from what Cam wanted to keep playing, he skirted past them into the kitchen to make the lunches for tomorrow.  "Cas, I hate to interrupt, but do you want egg salad or tuna salad for lunch?"

"No, it's pizza day!  Can I just have money for lunch?" she asked instead.

He turned around to look at the kids.  "Is that what you guys want too?

Charlie shook his head briefly before letting a napkin fly.  It bounced off the edge of the trashcan and then landed inside.  "Yes!" he cried, then grinned at Bellamy.  "The pizza sucks.  I'd rather have a regular lunch, actually.  Uh, if you don't mind making it."

"Or you could help him or make it yourself," Clarke pointed out, getting ready for her own shot.

"You just want me out of the game because you're losing," Charlie retorted, though he gave Bellamy a shame-faced look.  "Uh, but yeah, I can help after?"

"I'm not-" Clarke winged the shot, just getting it inside the can from her spot near the couch.  "-losing.  That, my friend, is called winning."

Bellamy just chuckled.  "I'll take care of it.  Cole?"

"I want pizza!" he said, to absolutely no one's surprise.

"Okay, I'll put the money in your book bags tonight," he replied, turning back towards the kitchen so he could make a roast beef sandwich for Charlie's lunch.  Just making one lunch, and not three, made the task going quickly and he soon found himself pulled into the game.

And, in the middle of mediating a dispute between Cassi and Charlie about if someone had one more turn than someone else, another Christmas idea occurred to him.  He smiled widely, even as he declared the match over and no one the winner, then tried to steer Cole and Cassi towards starting to relax a little before bedtime.

"Come on, guys," he began, getting only a little in the way of groans.  But his grin stayed with him through the rest of the evening, until Clarke called him on it as he stepped out of the shower nearly two hours later.

"What's with this smile, Bell?" she asked, then rinsed out her mouth at the sink.

"What, I'm not allowed to smile?" he teased as he dried himself off.  His smile gradually turned to a smirk as he noticed her watching him through the bathroom mirror.

When she noticed him eyeing her in return, she shook her head.  "You're super hot and all, but I'm exhausted," she complained.  "Can you give me lascivious looks tomorrow maybe?"

He tied the towel around his waist and crept up behind her to kiss her cheek.  "Tomorrow, definite maybe," he confirmed, sliding his arms around her waist and looking at her reflection in the mirror.  "I have some errands to run in the day.  Will you be okay, watching Maddie and Cam for a couple of hours while I do that?  I was thinking I could run out just as they were going down for a nap and then pick up Ethan on my way back."

"As long as I can sleep late tomorrow, I don't care," she replied blithely, leaning back against him.  She closed her eyes momentarily.  "By the way, I peeked in Cam's room.  It's a disaster."

"Someone had a tantrum.  I'm going to have him clean it up after breakfast tomorrow morning."

She frowned, opening her eyes.  "But he threw stuff again.  God, what do we need to be doing so that he stops that?"

"Well, he's eighteen months old, nineteen months old.  I think we can start with timeouts.  We just have to be consistent with them."  

Clarke sighed and he rubbed her arms comfortingly.  "Come on," he continued.  "You go to bed.  We can talk about this stuff tomorrow.  I'll be there in a minute."

She turned around in his arms to kiss him quickly and nodded.  "Okay, see you in bed," she replied before shuffling off.

He joined her about ten minutes later and chuckled to see her wrapped around one of his pillows, half-watching whatever show on Murder Channel.

"Couldn't wait?" he teased as he eased into bed, gently pulling his pillow from her grasp.  She eagerly wrapped her arms around him instead and they settled back into the bed together, her head just below his shoulder.

"Needed a temporary pillow before my favorite pillow got here," she mumbled sleepily, closing her eyes a moment later.  But when he went to turn off the TV with the remote, she added, "No, leave it.  I'm watching."

"Mmm, through your eyelids?"

"I'm talented," she protested.

He rumbled a low laugh and left the TV on, at least until he figured out she'd actually fallen asleep.  Then he carefully tucked her into his side and closed his eyes, finally hopeful that he might be able to pull off the Griffin Family Christmas he knew she wanted so much.

* * *

In some way, Clarke thought, it was inevitable that the kids would feel sad about Christmas.  As much as Thanksgiving had been about their mother, Christmas was about their father and she knew that at some point it would hit them hard.  That the point happened to be after they came back from the Kanes made Bellamy's idea to all sleep in the family room all the better.  She and Bellamy were right there to comfort the kids when the grief seemed to hit them all at once.

Cole was practically in Bellamy's lap on the air mattress, while Cam slept curled up next to Charlie on the couch and Cassi leaned against her as they sat on the opposite end.  But everyone had someone to hug as they talked about their last Christmas together as a family.

How Cam had crawled over to the train set and kept knocking it of the tracks.  

How their mother spilled tea on her shirt when Cole accidently surprised her coming around the corner.

How their parents joked about having one more baby, so they'd have "an even half-dozen."

Once they wiped away the tears and started laughing at some of their memories, Clarke brought up one more.

"Do you remember Cole, how you really wanted a puppy when you were four?  And Mom and Dad said that they had too many kids and we couldn't have a puppy too?" she prompted, already smiling at the memory.

Cassi actually giggled.  "And then when Mom told us she was gonna have another baby, you got upset and said you wanted a puppy instead?"

Cole flushed and whined in response.  "They _said_ we couldn't have a dog 'cause they were so busy with all of us, but then…"  He trailed off, looking over at Cam.  "I guess he's better than a dog."

That made them all laugh again and Bellamy squeezed the boy tight.  "I'm sure Cam's thrilled to hear it."  He tickled Cole's side until he laughed, then gently eased him off his lap.  "Well, I'm going to take this as a good moment to put away the snacks and make cocoa, unless someone objects?"

No one did, and surprisingly, Cole and Cassi even helped out without being prompted.  Clarke meanwhile, helped Charlie put Cam to bed, as it were, on one of the sleeping blankets.  She covered the toddler with another blanket as she knelt next to him and brushed at his hair fondly before glancing up at Charlie.  

"You looked just like this once, you know."

"I've seen the pictures," he confirmed.

Clarke glanced towards the kitchen, where Bellamy was putting away food while Cassi poured some milk into a saucepan and Cole used the stepstool to get the cocoa and marshmallows out of the pantry.  

"I know Bellamy isn't Dad. But I hope that between him being himself as he helps me raise Cam and you and Cassi and Cole telling Cam how Dad was, maybe the baby won't feel that ache in his heart that we have for Dad, you know?  He gets to grow up with a Dad and with the memories of Dad we tell him, so he basically gets two dads, you know?"

"Yeah, I know, I just…"  Charlie looked at her helplessly.  

But despite that, Clarke understood.  She reached out to squeeze his shoulder.  "I know," she acknowledged softly.  "I get it."

Charlie offered her a sad smile before getting to his feet and even offering her a hand up.  "I want to get my cocoa before Cole eats all the marshmallows."

"I'm not eating all the marshmallows," Cole denied, the words muffled and distorted around a mouth full of them.  

While Charlie grinned, Clarke chuckled quietly and they wandered into the kitchen.  There, Bellamy tempted the whole crew to the table with brownies and cookies and they talked about the origins of the various Christmas traditions.  Bellamy, of course, was a font of information and for once, each of the kids seemed interested to find out about the history.

"Well, there was this Roman festival called Saturnalia…," he began, eventually getting to other holidays that found pieces of their tradition co-opted into Christmas, including Mithras' birthday and Yule.

"Amalgamation, the smooshing together of all these different traditions into one is a very Roman thing, actually.  Most of the gods they worshipped were amalgamations and that tendency filtered through the Middle Ages.  We still kind of do it now, with some people celebrating Chrismakkah, or how in Eastern Europe, it's not unusual to find a lot of Christmas traditions co-opted onto New Years'."

Watching Bellamy get so animated about talking about history and culture, and the kids respond in kind, almost made Clarke's heart clench with love for them all.  She watched much of the lecture and the debate with a small smile on her face, hoping that this Christmas might just be the first of many like these.

The kids were already fairly sleepy by the time they returned to the family room and within half an hour of turning on TNT's _A Christmas Story_ marathon, Cole and Cassi were asleep and Charlie's eyes had begun to droop.  By the time Bellamy dimmed the lights and lowered the TV's volume further, the teen had succumbed to sleep and Clarke was more than feeling the pull herself.

Bellamy smiled down at her as she shook herself awake.  "I can get the presents all set up by myself.  You should sleep," he told her in a whisper.

"No no.  You set everything up and did all the prep for tomorrow.  I'm gonna help," she insisted, hauling herself to her feet and pushing some of the hair away from her face.

He gave her an indulgent smile before taking her hand and carefully leading her out of the family room.  "I thought we could get the presents hidden upstairs down first and then tackle the ones Marcus and Callie gave us for the kids from the car.  You'll have to put on shoes though.  I'm sure the garage is chilly."

Clarke hummed her agreement and spent the next half hour wrangling presents from all the places they'd stashed them.  She didn't miss the two boxes that had her name on it from Bellamy and only smirked at him in return as he pointedly watched her retrieve his presents from the guest room closet.

In the end, there was a powerful mound of presents under the tree and six stockings hung up on the wall, each filled to bursting with small gifts and candy.  Bellamy eyed the last of these as Clarke slipped an arm around his waist and leaned into his side.

She knew exactly what gave him pause.

_Cameron._

_Cole._

_Cassidy._

_Charles._

_Clarke._

_Bellamy._

"One of these things is not like the other," he mentioned.

"It's the looping script, makes it more…," she answered, then smiled up at him.  "Your name might not begin with a 'C' but it's still a last name, like ours.  And look, you and Cassi, you've got the same sort of pattern to your name.  Consonant, vowel, double consonant, vowel, 'Y'."

"That's some stretch there, but I appreciate the effort," he chuckled, turning around to embrace her fully.  She took the opportunity to cuddle into him, closing her eyes.

"You should get to bed," he told her, which immediately made her frown up at him.

"Me?  You aren't coming?"

"I want to check all the doors and everything first," he admitted.  "You know me.  But you worked all day and you're beat.  Go to bed, I'll join you shortly," he urged.

Clarke wanted to argue with him that of course all the doors were shut and locked, but she knew it wouldn't make a bit of difference.  So she just stretched up to kiss him by the tree, happy in the knowledge that they had successfully gotten the kids piles of presents, had a family Christmas Eve and that the kids were all safe and asleep in the next room.

Kissing Bellamy, of course, for all she'd only met him seven months ago, always seemed to feel like coming home.  As the familiar warmth bubbled up inside of her, she marveled at how she could feel so close to someone, so in sync with them, so quickly.  Maybe they were being silly about waiting to get married.

But she didn't say anything when they broke the kiss, only rested her head against his chest once more and enjoyed the feeling of being alone with him for a moment longer.

She parted from him by the stairs, as he jogged up and she continued to the family room.  It took her no time at all to fall asleep once she lay down and she thought she only roused briefly when Bellamy finally joined her.  He curled around her and she settled into his comforting warmth with a contented sigh, drifting off again easily.

Clarke woke to a gentle touch on her face by little fingers and she smiled before opening her eyes.  Cam beamed back at her, happy to have woken her up.

"Mommy.  Want milk.  Spiderman jump jump jump," he told her, pulling his doll from beside him and bouncing him on the mattress to show her.

"I can see Spiderman jumping."  She eyed him.  "I can also see your little butt, mister.  Where's your diaper and pajama bottoms?"

He pointed them out gleefully, prompting her to sigh.  "Merry Christmas to me," she told the toddler and sat up, grabbing at the doll to prevent him from disturbing the air mattress too much.  "And shhh," she added in a whisper.  "Let's let other people sleep."

"Mmm, too late," Bellamy mumbled beside her, even though he just flexed his back and turned his head.  "What time is it?"

"Everyone else is still sleeping, so go back to sleep.  I'll take care of the munchkin," she promised, already trying to scramble out of their makeshift bed.  As fun as it had been to hang out with the kids all night and camp out in the family room, she was looking forward to sleeping in a real bed later.  

She scooped up Cam, along with his diaper and pajamas, after she stood, only to find Bellamy sitting up and scrubbing at his hair.  "I'll get some coffee started?" he offered quietly, glancing at the other kids who were all still fast asleep.  

"Sounds good, but take your time.  No rush," she assured him.  Tired, she certainly took her time getting a fresh diaper onto Cam and coaxing him back into his pajama pants.  When he was finally dressed again, she led him back into the kitchen.

Bellamy picked up Cam and put him on his hip in an easy motion, then offered him a small plastic bowl with puffed cereal in it.  "I thought we could hang out in the living room until the other ones wake up," he suggested as the coffeepot filled.  

"Yeah, we can do that," Clarke agreed, kissing his cheek in hello and then retrieving a couple of mugs for them from the cabinet.  "I want to take a picture of the tree with all the presents under it too."

Once they had their coffee, they adjourned to the living room.  Cam ate a good portion of his cereal before Bellamy tried to keep him distracted from the presents by first playing animal videos, and then playing a chase game where Cam kept letting himself get caught so that Bellamy would toss him in the air.  

As his giggles filled the room, Clarke nursed her cup of coffee on the armchair and allowed herself the fantasy of imagining that they were waiting for the rest of the family to wake up, including her Mom and Dad.  Because she knew, if they had lived and she'd met Bellamy, she'd have insisted he be with her for Christmas morning with her family.  And of course he'd be a good sport about entertaining Cam so everyone else could sleep in a little.  

Sure, her mother may have fussed about how he was a nanny and not a professor, and her father would have interrogated him about his time in the military, but in the end, she was confident they would have welcomed him.  Smart, capable, and clearly in love with their daughter, she thought they would have come to love him too, another son for the family.

She forced herself to blink rapidly a few times, so that the tears forming behind her eyes would stop.  Instead, she focused her attention on Bellamy, who was currently on his back on the floor, pressing Cam up in a mimicry of flying that set the toddler giggling.

Cole wandered into the living room next, Cassi hot on his heels.  They both said, "Merry Christmas!" before eagerly inspecting the pile of presents.

"Charlie's getting up now!" Cassi reported before squealing over one of the large boxes with her name on it.

Bellamy set Cam down on the floor and sat up.  "Great.  So, how are we doing this?  Stockings then presents?"

"Nope.  Presents, then stockings.  That way there's not a lot of time to eat candy before breakfast," Clarke told him, setting aside her mug as Charlie walked over from the family room, scratching at the side of his head.

"Merry Christmas," he half-mumbled, though his voice grew louder once he got of look at the tree and the gifts beneath it.

"Merry Christmas," Clarke answered, getting to her feet.  "Okay, I figure, we can do the Kanes' gifts to you first, as I'm told that's important this year," she began, glancing at Bellamy.

"We might have coordinated some stuff," Bellamy agreed, corralling Cam so that Clarke could hand out, or rather, push, the big boxes to each of the respective kids.

"Okay," she allowed, then laughed as they all tore into the immaculately wrapped presents.

To say the Kanes spoiled the kids was a gross understatement. Charlie got the new Playstation 4 Pro, along with an extra game and two extra controllers. Cassi got a Microsoft Surface 3, which made Clarke sigh in relief since her old laptop was dying and Cassi needed a new one for school anyway.  Cole got the SHIELD Helicarrier Lego set, a ten thousand brick monstrosity that she immediately feared would be all over the house.

"I think we should set that up on the table in the apartment," Bellamy told Cole, who was still yelling about his present.  "So you have a big surface you can work on," he added as he helped Cam tear away the last of the wrapping paper from his own present, a huge wooden table with a little city on it, with trains and even a subway section you could see from the side.

She blinked.  "Um, looks like that needs to be put together too.  And it's enormous!"

"I think probably the playroom?" Bellamy suggested.  "Charlie, maybe you can help us put it together later?"  

"Uh…," Charlie looked up from his new game console and blinked.  

"I can help build it!" Cole volunteered, then beamed when Clarke thanked him.  "I like building stuff."

"I noticed, kiddo," Clarke chuckled, shaking her head at the extravagance of the presents but also knowing that the Kanes were doing what they could to help make the kids' Christmas the way it always was.  

She even huffed a quiet laugh, wondering what they would have gotten her if she hadn't been a hospital employee.  Marcus had quietly explained to her last night that any gift he gave her qualified as income and he didn't want to make her taxes more complicated.  She hadn't minded, knowing that they'd spent more than enough money on the kids.  "Guys, I think you're going to have write thank you notes for these gifts.  This was so nice of them."

"Forget notes, we should probably cook them dinner or something," Charlie commented.

Cassi's head came up quickly and she grinned.  "We should!  Can we?" she asked, looking at first Clarke and then Bellamy.

"Well, if it's you guys doing the cooking," Bellamy suggested, glancing at Clarke who gave a little nod, charmed that Charlie would even think to do something like that.  "I can monitor, but sure.  We can talk to the Kanes about coming over for a thank you dinner."

"I think they'd really like that," Clarke agreed readily, even as she picked her way over to the tree.  "Okay, do you guys want to play with this stuff for awhile or open more presents?"

"More presents!" Cassi answered quickly, even though she was already taking her new computer out of the box.

Bellamy pulled another wrapped present out and handed it to Cam, since he couldn't play right away with his new city and train set.  He also handed out what had to be the new phones he'd gotten for the other kids, since he handed them identically sized boxes.

Soon, Cam was playing with a little doctor kit set, which Clarke found to be particularly cute, and the others were freaking out over getting new phones.  Cole especially.  He jumped up and down and hugged first Clarke and then Bellamy, so happy to get his first phone.

"We can set them all up and everything tomorrow," Bellamy explained, even as Cole half-tried to smother him in a hug.  "But yes, you get your own phone.  And we're going to talk about the rules about that phone tomorrow too," he added for Cole.

Eventually, the kids moved on to their smaller gifts.  Clarke grinned when Cassi found out she got her own art kit and Charlie laughed when he got another game for his new console.  "Now I know why I had to open the Kanes' present first," he chuckled, even as Cole ripped into the robotic car building set that Bellamy had picked out for him.

Clarke decided then was the opportune time to pull out one of Bellamy's presents.  "This is for you," she informed him.

He smiled back at her, lap full of paper and half full of Cam who was still happily playing with his new small toca drum.  "That green and white wrapped one is for you," he noted as he took the box from her.

She grabbed the present marked with her name, but quickly turned her attention back to him.  Unlike the kids, he determinedly unwrapped his present carefully, at least until Cam decided to help and ripped off half of the paper.  When he finally got into the box, he blinked and then grinned.  "I don't think I have these translations."

"You don't," she answered happily, loving the fact that he seemed genuinely thrilled at the books she'd gotten him.  

"Ovid, Lucretius, Virgil, Marcus Aurelius...this one has some of the historical commentary too…," he described, already flipping through that tome and smiling down at the words.  After a moment, he glanced back in the box and pick up another, slimmer volume.  "What's this?"

Clarke smirked, sitting back on her heels and hugging her own present to her chest.  "I saw it and immediately thought of you."   Really, how could she not buy a book called _Cookery and Dining in Imperial Rome_ , a translation of an ancient cookbook for him?  "Did you know about this book?"

"Yeah, I did.  I glanced through it once, for a paper years ago, but I never went back and found a copy for myself.  I always wanted to try something from it…," he admitted, trailing off and giving her a lopsided grin.  "Thank you, Clarke, this is awesome."

"You're welcome.  I guess I can look forward to some authentic Roman cooking soon?"

"Well, I don't know about soon.  I'd have to pick something out that I think we might actually eat, then make sure I have the right ingredients.  But yeah, eventually," he promised, eyes twinkling.  But he motioned to her.  "Come on, open that.  I want to see if I did good."

She chuckled and finally tore into the box in her arms.  Eventually, she wiggled the top off and revealed an array of paint tubes.  Her favorite brand of paint, in fact, which was not cheap.  Some in colors she knew she was running low on, others new to her.   "Bell...how'd you…."

"I know you were talking about turning some of your sketches into a new painting.  I wanted to buy canvas, actually, but I didn't know what size or what kind of canvas you wanted.  So I looked at your paints, figured out what you were out of and then picked out some other colors that looked...cool, I guess?  I don't know.  You can return them, exchange them if you want.  I saved the receipt," he described, looking almost embarrassed.  

"No, no, this is great.  Thank you," she answered, honestly a little overwhelmed that he paid such close attention to an off-hand comment she made six weeks ago about a couple of her sketches.  But, as she eyed him, she chided herself for being surprised.  Bellamy was thoughtful and he loved her.  Of course he would pay attention.  "Really, just...thank you," she repeated.

"You're welcome.  Ah, there's another one for you too, actually," he pointed out, looking very pleased with himself.

Which reminded her.  "Actually, you too."  She turned, pulling out both of the presents in question and they both ripped into the packages at the same time.  "I see you've adopted the Griffin method of opening gifts."

"When in Rome," he quipped, only to start laughing when they both lifted up sweaters.  His was a slate blue version of his rolled collar sweater that she loved on him.  Hers was a Slytherin sweater, with the crest large and centered on the front with white and green stripes on the sleeves.

"Oh my god, this is so soft," she enthused, hugging the sweater to her.  

"I figured you always seemed ready to represent," he admitted.

"Slytherins rule," Charlie called from his corner where he was mid-opening another small gift.

"Lame," Cassi replied, with a grin on her face.

When all the gifts were opened and the stockings upended, Clarke leaned back on her hands and surveyed the mess with a satisfied nod.  "I think we did good," she announced, then frowned at two small, unfamiliar gifts behind the tree.  "What are those?"

"Those are your presents, from us!" Cassi described, getting them both and offering one to each.  Then she fished out a card from underneath the tree skirt.  "This one is for after those two."

Clarke exchanged an amused glance with Bellamy before nodding and opening their gifts.  In her box, she found a mug with a griffin symbol on it, like a knight would have on his shield.  When she looked at Bellamy's, she saw a Latin inscription.

"What's it say?"

"Ah, 'those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.'  The original quote in unoriginal Latin.  I love it," he chuckled, looking up at the kids.  "Thanks, guys."

"Yeah, guys, thank you so much.  You didn't have-"

"And there's more," Charlie interrupted, motioning for Cassi to hand over the envelope in her hand.  

Cassi could barely seem to contain herself when she offered the red envelope, making Clarke suspicious.  Opening it, she found a simple card, with a black and white picture of a big oak tree on the front.

Inside, there was a gift card for The Crane, the best restaurant in town.  Needless to say, it also had some of the highest prices in town.

The inscription in the otherwise blank card read, " _So you can get some date time,_ " and was signed by each of the kids.  They'd even gotten Cam to sign, probably just holding a pen while one of the older kids wrote out his nickname.

"We arranged it so that you actually get a real date night, on Wednesday night," Charlie explained.  "I'll spend the night at Miller and Bryan's with Cam.  They want to babysit Cam and I'll be around if they have questions.  Cassi-"

"I'm going to Octavia's!  We're going to watch movies and braid hair and do our nails and stuff!" Cassi enthused.

"And I'm going to Raven's with Ethan!  She's gonna show us her new 3D printer," Cole crowed.

"Murphy's gonna be there too, so there will still be a parent around him," Charlie broke in again.  "So you've got reservations for 7 and we got Marcus to get your schedule changed, so you're not working that night and your shift the next day won't start 'til noon.  And, well, they pretty much chipped in for the gift certificate.  We put money in, but we didn't really have a lot."

"It's two hundred dollars!" Cassi revealed, practically jumping.

Clarke couldn't seem to find any words, gaping first at the cards in her hand and then at the kids.  Tears gathered behind her eyes again and she took a shuddering breath, but froze when Cam tottered over and gave her a wide smile.

"Thanks, guys.  I don't even know what to say," Clarke finally managed to say, hugging the toddler to her chest.  "We..you really didn't have do this.  We-"

"No!" Cassi frowned.  "Yes, we did.  Because you need time that’s not about us!  You _said._ "

Bellamy blinked, quickly catching onto the fact that Clarke might have told her sister what they'd discussed.  "We really appreciate it.  I think Clarke's just worried that you guys might feel left out.  But you obviously thought a lot about this, you organized it so well.  We're grateful that you've given us a night off, really, but we really do like spending time with you all."

"Yeah, we get that," Charlie assured him, while Clarke just kept hugging Cam.   "But, like.  We can't be your whole lives."  He took in a breath, glancing over the tree and then at the wreckage of all the paper and toys around them.  "So, should we eat breakfast?"

Clarke started laughing, finally releasing the squirming kid from her lap.  "Yes, let's eat breakfast.  But we're having a ton of food later, so we're just going with something simple, okay?"

Bellamy cooked them all some scrambled eggs and toast and while they were eating, got the brisket started for dinner.  Just as the kids were about to abandon the table to go back to their toys, he interrupted as he turned down the pot on the stove to a lower heat.

"Actually," he said, pulling Cam from his high chair. "I have one more surprise.  But it's downstairs.  And I can't bring it upstairs," he added as he put the toddler on his hip.

Cole whined and Charlie didn't look thrilled at the prospect of a delay to him setting up his new game system, but all the kids eventually got to their feet.  Meanwhile, Clarke gave Bellamy a puzzled look, since he hadn't told her about any gift too large to move around.  As they tromped as a group down the stairs, she wondered if he'd gotten them something like a pool table before shaking her head.  

So she was completely unprepared to walk into a mini-carnival in the playroom.  Somehow, Bellamy had set up various carnival games around the big room, including a ring toss game, a little bowling alley in the back, a hoop game, and a velcro dart game.  They were complete with ridiculous signs and he'd gone even further, decorating the whole room with blue and silver garlands and sparkly snowflakes hanging from the ceiling.

While they all gaped, he described how each of the games worked, and revealed, "I even have prizes for them."  He nodded to a box in the corner, labeled "Prizes!"

"I wanna do the dart game!" Cole called, immediately rushing over, while Charlie drifted to the hoop game and Cassi ran to the ring toss.

"What do you say, little man, want to do some bowling?" Bellamy suggested and Clarke, still a little stunned, trailed behind him.  She watched as Bellamy handed Cam the small, plastic bowling ball and tried to teach him how to roll it down the little aisle to hit the pins.  When she looked around the room, she saw each of her siblings engrossed in one of the simple games, from Charlie who was counting his baskets triumphantly to Cassi who danced in place when she got a ring around the top of the plastic soda bottle.

They were all safe.  They were all happy.  For moment, none of them had a care in the world that wasn't trying to the win the little game in front of them.

And Bellamy gave it to her.

As he stood up, laughing when Cam tossed the bowling ball to the side and decided to just run down to knock down all the pins himself, she wrapped her arms around her boyfriend and leaned into him.  "Thank you, Bell.  This was just...a great idea.  And you...gave me everything I wanted for Christmas."

He tilted his head, a smile curling on his lips.  "You're welcome."  He glanced at the other kids, all distracted, before leaning down to kiss her.  "Merry Christmas," he murmured.

"Merry Christmas," she replied, resting her head against his shoulder until Cam ran over to hug their legs.  

"You did it, little man," Bellamy told him, even if he cheated.  "Ready for your prize?"

Cam received a grey stuffed animal, which he correctly identified as, "El-fant!"  

"He loved that little plastic one so much, I figured he could use a softer one," Bellamy explained.  As the kids won their respective games, he handed out other prizes: sunglasses for Charlie, a stuffed black dragon for Cassi for her growing collection, and one of those small Lego sets for Cole.  When Clarke finally took a turn, at the dart game, Bellamy presented her with two pairs of fuzzy socks, the kind she liked to wear after work or on her days off.

She chuckled as she fingered the grey socks with the white snowflake design.  "Thanks, Bell.  I love these kinds."

"I noticed.  Plus, means I don't get subjected to cold feet in bed," he teased.  When she balked, he stole a quick kiss, to the disgust of the kids.  She challenged them then to figure out who was the best at the ring toss game and they spent a loud, cheerful hour in the playroom, egging each other on and trying to get the high score.

Naturally, it was Bellamy who mentioned he had to get back to the kitchen, as well as pointed out that the family room and living room had to be set to rights before company came.  At the kids' sighs, Clarke allowed, "Listen, if we take a half hour right now and get all that cleaned up, you guys can spend the next five hours before company comes doing whatever and just get changed right before they get here.  Bell and I will handle food."

Fortunately, the kids didn't complain too much and before she quite knew it, she was walking into the kitchen with Bellamy while they scattered to play with their new toys and Cam became occupied by his new drum in the family room.  Before they could begin, though, she reached out and tugged on Bellamy's hand to get his attention.

He turned, a quizzical expression on his face.

"I know you probably set up that carnival when I was asleep.  Next year, if you do it again, I'm going to help with that too," she warned him with a smile.

"Next year, it won't be a surprise," he agreed, lacing the fingers of both their hands together.

"Thank you, again, though, for really making it feel like Christmas.  I can't tell you what it means to me," she continued, a hitch coming to her voice at the end.

"I can't tell you what being a part of your family means to me," he answered quietly, eyes locked on hers.  "It's easier to show you."

"You show me everyday, but I appreciate the hell out of it."  She leaned up to give him a kiss that promised more, short but hot, then stepped away resolutely.  "Okay, what first?"

"...kiss me like that and walk away," he mock grumbled, then pointed.  "For that, you get potato duty."

"As long as I get to watch your cute butt while I work, I'm hardly being punished," she teased and reveled in the fact that it was true.  As long as she had Bellamy by her side, everything from mundane living to emergencies was survivable.

Whatever came at them, they could handle it.  As long as they were together.

* * *

Last year, Bellamy spent Christmas Eve and the following morning with Octavia and Lincoln, then the rest of Christmas Day crashing at the Millers, along with Murphy and Ethan.  This year, he was hosting Christmas Day for twenty people in a ridiculously large house.  Fortunately, with his planning and Clarke's help throughout the day, they got dinner off without a hitch and everyone was now just hanging out post-meal.

With music playing in the family room and most of the guests happily occupying each other, Bellamy put the last dish into the dishwasher and closed it before pouring himself a drink at the bar they'd set up on the island.  

"Hey, fill mine up too?" Murphy asked him as he approached, glass already in his outstretched hand.

Bellamy gamely refilled his glass, then asked, "How many have you had?"

"This is my third, Dad," Murphy replied dryly.  "Raven's driving, don't worry, but I need something to grease the fact that I'm at a holiday party with my boss," he grumbled, glancing at Thelonious Jaha, who was talking with Miller in the corner of the family room.  Miller had on his polite, blank expression and Bellamy knew he'd have to be rescued soon.

"Sorry, he's a family friend," Bellamy acknowledged.  "How'd your Christmas go with Raven?  Was E happy?"

Murphy snorted after taking a quick sip of his drink.  "She spoiled him worse than you guys.  We have a new computer.  That she _built_.  He's over the moon," he described.

"Yeah?  What'd you get her?"  Bellamy asked, smirking.

"A Chemex coffee pot thing and the filter for it," Murphy revealed with a small smirk.  "For when she's at my place in the morning.  And, uh, a drawer."

Bellamy wanted desperately to make fun of his friend, who'd always mocked him and Miller for wanting long-term relationships.  But he and Ethan seemed so happy to have found Raven, he decided only to say, "Great.  Glad that's working out for you guys."

Murphy eyed him sidelong, seemingly understanding exactly the kind the decision his friend had just made.  "Shut up."

"Thanks for agreeing to watch Cole on Wednesday too," Bellamy added.  

The kids - and the Kanes' - gift to them had more than surprised him that morning, but he couldn't help but feel grateful to everyone involved in setting it up.  He knew that he wanted to be with Clarke pretty much forever, but being alone with her, really alone, was still so new to them.  And despite everything, Clarke was only twenty-seven and hadn't yet been in a relationship that lasted more than a few months.  She deserved to have moments that were just about her and they deserved moments that were just about them and not about the kids.

But, in the end, yeah, he was sure they were going to get married.  Just not quite yet.

"Yeah, well, I'm pretty sure I'm just going to be watching TV in Raven's bedroom while Raven keeps them entertained, but you're welcome," Murphy responded, his gaze going to the woman in question who was talking with Wells and Lincoln.  

"Just, you know, don't sneak away with her to do it in the guest room tonight, okay?" Bellamy couldn't help but tease him a little.

Murphy, naturally, was not embarrassed.  "When the woman wants to go, I go.  Look at her," he answered, waving towards her with his glass.  "And for some reason, she wants me.  Not going to deny her that."

Bellamy smiled, looking around the room for Clarke.  "I know what you mean," he admitted, only to frown slightly when he couldn't find her.  "Excuse me.  I just want to see where-"

"Yeah, yeah.  It's been like twenty minutes since you made eye contact, you must be dying," Murphy quipped, waving him away.

Dropping his glass on one of the kitchen counters, he wandered through the dining room and the living room without finding her.  After another quick check of the family room, he slowly made his way upstairs, until he heard quiet voices coming from Cassi's room.

Silently, he padded over, and finally began to hear some of the conversation.

"...know you're sad about them not being here right now.  There's nothing wrong about being sad about that, you don't have to apologize. And I don't mind sitting with you until you feel better," said Clarke.

"But I don't know if I'll feel better!" Cassi answered, sounding so lost and upset that Bellamy almost barged into the room himself to comfort her.  "They're dead and everyone's scared about the future because of the election and how everyone hates everyone else and how people are dying in other countries because no one cares.  They said they're going to try and close schools 'cause they teach us science and they don't want girls to vote anymore-"

"Okay, Cassi, breathe," Clarke interrupted, in such a mimicry of all the times he'd done the same thing to her, he couldn't help but smile.  "You know, I get it.  I can think like that too.  But you know, as bad as some things are going to get, there's always going to be people to fight for the right thing.  You know, we used to have slavery in this country, but people wouldn't shut up, wouldn't stop trying to abolish it.  We used to have laws against women and black people voting, but people fought against that too.  We've fought for civil rights, for health care, for the end of wars.  Just because some people in this country think they've won, doesn't mean they've actually won.  We're always going to fight.  This is our country too and although they'll try to take it from us, we won't let them.

"You know, Mom would say, we can't lose our hope.  And Dad, he would say that we can trust people to do the right thing.  Even now, more people in our country want things like equality than don't.  We're going to get there, Cassi, I promise.  It's just the fight isn't over yet, even though we wanted it to be."

Bellamy took the pause to knock on the door gently and stick his head inside.  "Everything..okay in here?" he asked, even though he knew it wasn't.

Cassi had gathered her legs up under her skirt, hugging them to her chest, while Clarke sat beside her on the bed and looped an arm around her shoulders.

"She's just feeling the season, I think," Clarke answered, offering him a small smile of welcome.

Cassi looked up at him with red-rimmed eyes and he took that as an invitation to sit on the other side of her.  "Yeah, I get it.  Anything I can do to help?"

She just shrugged, but leaned into him, so he rubbed her back comfortingly.  

"This year has sucked for a lot of reasons, I know.  And you're probably worried about what's going to happen next.  But I have to tell you, I think if the worst were to happen to the world, we're going to be okay," he began.  "You're kind of an expert in post-apocalyptic living.  You read all the books and you've seen all the movies, so I think you'll be able to show us what we need to do.  Clarke's a doctor, so we've got that.  I was a soldier, so we'll have that.  Bryan knows how to grow food, and did you know that Lincoln hunts?"

As he talked, a slight smile appeared on Cassi's face.  "You really think so?"

"Yeah.  I think we'd survive an apocalypse and do well after, so if we can do that, then anything that's less than that, we're going to be fine," he assured her, glancing up at Clarke to see her watching him with amusement.  "We've got Raven to fix things, and Miller and Murphy can be soldiers with me.  And Luna's great with fishing, she grew up on the coast, right?  So we've got her and Wells is someone who always seems like he could lend a hand.  Oh, and if we can get Harper and Monty, Clarke's friends and Jasper?  More medical people.  I think we're going to be okay."

He could practically see the thoughts turning over Cassi's mind, about living somewhere with all their friends and how'd they would survive before she nodded.  "Yeah, we'd be good," she agreed quietly, then turned to Clarke.  "Is it okay if I stay up here for a bit? I don't feel like being at the party."

"That's fine, sweetie.  Take your time," Clarke nodded, leaning forward to kiss the top of her head.  "Let us know if you need something and you know, after the party, we can talk more if you want."

As she got up, Bellamy gave Cassi another squeeze of reassurance and followed, only to stop when Cassi called out for him.

"Thanks, Bellamy.  It made me feel a little better."

"No problem," he replied, smiling at her.  "Like Clarke said, let us know if you need something and otherwise, we'll check on you later tonight, okay?"

Cassi nodded quickly as she mirrored his smile, letting go of her knees and straightening her legs.  "I will."

"Okay."  He trailed Clarke out the door and then shut it behind him to give Cassi her privacy.  "How are you?"

Clarke gave a weak laugh, wandering away from Cassi's door towards the top of the stairs.  "Drained.  It's been a long day."  She paused by the first step, then turned to walk back to him and wrap her arms around him in a hug.  "But thank you.  I think your little 'we'll be fine post-apocalypse' helped her."

"I'm not wrong," Bellamy noted, rubbing her back much the same way he comforted Cassi so recently.  "We've got a good group of friends.  We'd totally survive in an apocalypse.  Even more so if you start squirreling away medical supplies in the apartment, I think."

The comment made her laugh and he felt her body shake in his arms.  "Can't we just go to the hospital after the apocalypse and loot it then?"

"Nah, everyone will do that.  Better to be prepared beforehand.  You steal medical supplies and I'll start hoarding canned food and bottled water."

"Guns.  We'll need guns too, right?" Clarke asked dryly, looking up at him with a sardonic smile.

"Absolutely.  Shall we go out a buy an arsenal now, or do that after the holidays?" he wondered teasingly, only to squirm when she needled his side.  "We can talk about armaments later."

"Mmm, sure."  She took a deep breath and reluctantly stepped away from his arms.  "Let's go and finish this party.  I feel old just saying that, but it's just…"

"Been a long day," he agreed, reaching for one of her hands to walk with her back downstairs.  "But we got through it.  I feel like that about everything going on right now.  As long as we have each other, we'll make it."

Clarke stopped on the stairs and turned quickly, reaching up to kiss him soundly.  "I feel that same way," she admitted with shining eyes.

"Good."  The swell of pride, of hope, even, in his chest made him taller, stronger, somehow.  "Let's get back to the group."

"The team, you mean.  Think we should tell them we're going to conscript them when the apocalypse comes?" Clarke chuckled as they continued down the stairs.

"Nah.  No need for them to worry.  They'll have us to do all the planning."

Glad to hear the sound of her laughter again, he grinned.  Despite everything standing in their way, Christmas had gone well and, like he'd said, he was certain they'd be able to handle whatever the future threw at them.

They just had to be together.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to critique this below or on my Tumblr. All kudos, comments, etc. are much appreciated. For those who are wondering, yes, the story will continue in another multi-chapter sequel, but this Christmas oneshot hopefully will tide you over until then.


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